Sunday 31 August 2008

Jakartoon

Recently Kompass, the largest selling newspaper in Indonesia reported that the Indonesian Broadcasting Commission had reprimanded television stations for airing animated television shows deemed unsuitable for children.


The quote went as follows:

"After three warnings, transmission of the shows will be temporarily suspended until the stations make improvements," independent TV observer Arif Fuckwit said, “adding that the shows were unsuitable for children due to the amount of violence and impropriety contained “.

Apparently, the main issue arose from three animated shows -- Bleach, Detective Conan, and Naruto which it is claimed violated the 2002 law on child protection and had been misclassified. (Fuck knows what these are about?)

"People often think that just because its cartoon, it's for children. This is not necessarily the case. Some are quite violent," Fuckwit, who is also an education expert, said.

It seems that Pak Fuckwit, (who in addition to being an independent TV observer and an education expert is also the chairman of an independent TV review panel), said the panel came to a decision after reviewing 84 episode titles for children and teenagers from a total of 316 episodes aired by nine television stations between June 14 and June 31 this year.

Well bugger me, that is a whole bunch of cartoons in two weeks. I don’t know about you, but, I can just about manage 30 seconds of any animation and to be honest am thankful that Dilligaf Junior has moved on from Sponge Bob Square Pants et al.

Here comes the killer.

”The KPI is also in process of reviewing two other cartoons shows, including Tom and Jerry, and a popular children variety show known as Idola Cilik ”


Get the f*ck out of here! Out off all the cartoons mentioned I can only claim to have seen Tom and Jerry but, it says that something is far wrong with the panel’s heads when they suggest that Tom and Jerry is unsuitable for children.

Now banning SouthPark and Family Guy (both of which are mandatory viewing in Chez Dilligaf – saves having to explain a lot regarding deviance and sexual education) I can understand, but I honestly feel the panel may have got things wrong.

All one needs to do is watch Indonesian News Channels and one can view road accident victims, murder victims, suicide cases, victims of family abuse and the families of the deceased mourning openly, rubberneckers jumping around while the TV crews move through for the goriest shot of the site in question.

Rather that piss around watching cartoons I would suggest Pak Fuckwit and his panelists concentrate on the latest footage of accident victims and Baygon drinkers before criticising Tom and Jerry…..

Tuesday 26 August 2008

Jalan Jalan - Ho Hum Travelling Again

At the airport en route to China with a 24 hour journey ahead.....no idea whether blogger will work now the "press freedoms" no longer apply.....back on Sunday.

Oh, and BTW, did anyone feel the earthquake 'cuase I effing didn't...

Sunday 24 August 2008

How to avoid Police Fines!

In a shocking discovery a mate of mine was apparently stopped by the Jakarta Brownshirts yesterday for an illegal traffic move and being a tight arsed bastard decided he was not going to pay!


Insisting that his wallet was at home along with driving license, ID, money etc he was released on condition that police visited him at his office this morning to review his "documents"

This was considered acceptable and he handed the cops his business card...except it was someone elses card!

Some poor fucker will be getting a visit from Jakarta's finest this morning, and worse, the victim does not drive, does not have a license and only met my mate on Friday night!

What a c*nt!

Friday 22 August 2008

Islamic dating Site

Nice Eyes

Had to giggle, it's for real. Finding your perfect parner has never been easier!

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Mass Knob Chopping in Suburbia

Remember this....(Last paragraph)

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Well it took place this morning and I think it will be going on for a while. Being inquisitive and having been invited I decided to walk the 200 metres to the park and find out what it was all about!

The park had a number of tents erected (no pun intended)and the parents waited until it was their kids turn and watched the entertainment.

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For most Indonesians, (Musim or Non Muslim) circumcision is a very important tradition. In terms of tradition, for most Javanese boys, 11-12 years old is the time for the circumcision but, for others, such as the Sundanese boys are circumcised younger than the Javanese boys, at about 5-6 years old.

For the waiting kids, clowns and ballon twisters provided a distraction....

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Some of the kids present were not quite aware of why they were there, almost in an "Are we there yet" way, unsure of what was coming next!
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My Indonesian friends at work informed me that for the kids it's the happiest time because they think that they'll soon be "big boys".

First thing required is to check the timetable to know when the chopping will take place...

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Traditionally parents give their newly-circumcised sons a party on the day the boys are circumcised. Their relatives, friends and, neighbors come to the party with presents or gifts for the boy. This collective knob chopping was a way to defray the overall expense to the families.

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Sanitary arrengements were in my opinion a little on the "low side" especialy considering that one's best friend is about to get mutilated!

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Some of the kids looked allright after the ordeal...

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While others were not so lucky and needed a bit of help!

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To be honest, it looked as though only the parents and adults were happy bout the whole deal.

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Once the cutting was over, it was back to the entertainment area and then the kids were called up to get a "goody box" the contents of which I am unaware but the participants seemed happy enough!

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Again, my workmates told me that young boys regularly ask their parents repeatedly about the day they will be circumcised. They hope it will soon come so they can be big boys and get many presents.

When it was all over, the remnants were disposed off in the same area where the surgical instruments were being prepared

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I cannot say that it was a pleasant experience for me, I felt a bit like a voyeur, watching something I should not have been, but the Indonesians present were happy about the whole affair, it seemed to be a Grand Day Out for the family.

On the negative side, the music was quite loud, had to be really because over in the cutting tents there was a fair bit off squealing and crying going on.....

The alternatve is to go private and, as I discovered Circumcision is big business here in Jakarta, as this website testifies (NSFW, some of the pictures are less than palatable)

http://www.rumahsunatan.com/_galerifoto.php

Will I be going next year....dont think so!

Wednesday 20 August 2008

Raving Monster Looney Party (Not in Indonesia)

Candidates looking to be elected to seats in Riau Provincial and Pekanbaru Mayoralty Legislatures could not be arsed fulfilling the requirements of their candidacy and sent “look-alikes” to regulation health tests ahead of the 2009 general election.

From the Jakarta Post:

"The misdemeanor was disclosed when the paramedic team discovered popular figures, wanting to contend in the upcoming legislative election, had sent other people to take the medical examination (on their behalf)," a spokesman of the General Hospital in Pekanbaru, said yesterday.

Apparently, this is not the first incident as this had already happened at Tampan Mental Hospital, where candidates had to undergo a series of mental tests.

"The unfair practice was uncovered when written test results were found to differ from interview results," said a “Doctor”.

"All cheating candidates are required to redo all the tests." (How can they re-do them if they never did them in the first place?)

Now, the interesting thing is not the fact they cheated (they are after all Indonesian Politicians) but, the fact they were undergoing “Mental Tests”

What’s the pass mark? What do you discover about your candidate?

And more importantly, why is it only Indonesia that makes this mandatory. (Citations required)

Think of the state of world politics today would be if all elected politicians had to pass a “Mental Test”.

Seems that these dudes took the pretence pretty seriously as most candidates appear to have paid their proxies between US$54 to $108 for the written exam, which is a great deal of money in Pekanbaru……..

Tuesday 12 August 2008

Nail traps possible ahead of Idul Fitri (And some facts the Police should never have mentioned)

Here we go again. Ramadan has not yet started and the thieves and thugs are planning in advance for the major holiday of Idul Fitri which starts at the end of Ramadan.

Last week the Jakarta Post posted this warning..

Potential thieves are likely to spread nails on busy roads ahead of the Idul Fitri holiday, officers of the traffic management center (TMC) at city police headquarters are warning.

The police predicted the trend would continue this year, with perpetrators trying to take advantage of motorcycle riders returning to their hometowns.

"We regularly sweep the nails on the street, but the perpetrators keep doing it. Even officers who ride motorcycles have been victims,"


Not unusual news for Jakarta, but bear with me, there is a sting in the tail of this story!

Last Monday the traffic police swept under the bypass leading from Semanggi Plaza to the Blok M bus station Sunday with magnetic equipment, collecting one kilogram of nails. The officers later distributed the nails to the city park agency.

One is not sure if the parks department knows what to do with them given that

a) there are very few parks

b) those few that exist are in such disrepair it is unlikely the parks department have ever visited them.

This leaves another option

c) – Sell the nails for thieves to dump them on the roads . Result = Profit)

I know I have mentioned this before, but, here is how it works as told by the Jakarta Post.

Perpetrators have been known to use the nails to stop motorists, with the intention of robbing them. According to the scheme, thieves station themselves near the scattered nails, offering to assist victims forced to stop due to punctured tires.

They then “blag them” making off with wallets, phones, whatever they can get in fact.

What makes the annual Idul Fitri exodus more lucrative is the fact that the motorbike, as well as carrying a family of four will be laden with Gifts and in many cases, the obligatory kitchen sink. Rich pickings indeed.

Regarding these crimes, to date police had not yet made any arrests in connection with the nails.

How are the crime busters dealing with this…read on! (The sting in the tale)

"It's difficult to gather evidence because the perpetrators move from spot to spot," he said, adding police received information on the nails from motorists text-messaging 1717, the police contact number.

Police could not rely on the use of closed circuit televisions (CCTV) stationed at major thoroughfares because the majority no longer functioned.

It gets better. If you were in charge of CCTV surveillance in a city the size of Jakarta, would you reveal the chinks in your armour, Oh No! But here the cops carried on with….

"We only have around ten CCTVs. The rest have reached the end of their shelf life and can no longer be used," he said.

Last month, it was announced they would be able to access 150 CCTVs operated by the city administration, to help with monitoring efforts. The City police only possess 40 such televisions, most of which are faulty.

Our Brown Shirted friends said the city administration CCTVs had not been accessible due to technical problems. Technical Problems, more like the boot on the other foot with the Cops having to pay someone off to use the Camera’s – a sort off Criminal Pay Per View.

I think the thing that disturbed me most was that small towns with a population of 50-60 thousand people in the UK probably have 200 CCTV’s active within them. Jakarta, with is millions have 190 units, most of which “are fucked”!

No wonder the thugs love this place.

Saturday 9 August 2008

Bali Bombers file "Torture" Appeal over looming execution.

The three convicted Bali bombers filed a petition against firing squads in Indonesia's constitutional court Wednesday in a last-ditch bid to stave off their executions, lawyers said.

The members of the Islamist Jemaah Islamiyah network -- Amrozi, Imam Samudra and Ali Ghufron -- are awaiting execution over the 2002 bombings on the resort island that killed more than 200 people, most of them foreign tourists.

After exhausting their last appeals, they have now asked the constitutional court to rule on whether firing squads were a form of torture, their lawyers said. Lawyer Wirawan Adnan said the men wanted to be able to listen to some calming Celine Dion while being done away with!

Steve Jobs has offered a solution free off charge to the three!

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The iSquad!

I think I'd prefer the shooting without Celine, but hey, it's all about how you define torture!

You- Dirty Rat! (Apologies to James Cagney)

Jakartass today posted this on the problems facing certain area's of Bali this morning which prompted me to report further on this issue

Disappearance of Predators


I found this in the Jakarta Post this week, but due to a severe bout of Gastro-Enteritis my mind has been otherwise focused. (Further details on this situation have been kept secret in the interest of dignity, I await that moment when I can fart and cough with impunity!)

Once again, Bali demonstrates it's unique way of problem solving in ways that we would consider "off the wall"

It has to be considerd that the Hindu Religion views rats differently from other religions and kiling and poisoning are considered last resorts.(See below with Ganesh the Elephant God astride a Rat) Another factor is that the Balinese have been eradicating the natural predators in the fields (Snakes and Owls) by either killing them (in the case of snakes) or stealing the young from nests (Owls for sale)

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How to tame rats, the spiritual way

The procession moved slowly along a narrow path through the middle of a flat landscape filled with rows of rice fields on the outskirts of Riang Gede village, Tabanan. The atmosphere of the procession was a bit somber.

It wasn't a procession to mark a religious festivity or a temple's anniversary. On the contrary, the procession on Aug. 1 was part of a ritual to save the rice fields from the ongoing terror of rats infestation.

Despite its somber overtone, the procession, with dozens of Balinese in traditional attires and carrying colorful offerings, set against the clear blue sky and the green rice field was simply mesmerizing.

A few meters behind the front tip of the procession, Ida Cokorda Anglurah Tabanan sat solemnly on a wooden throne resting upon the shoulders of several men. He is the current traditional ruler of the regency and the direct descendant of the Tabanan kingdom founder.

A large number of Balinese still believe that their royalties, particularly the kings and their direct descendants, possess supernatural powers that set them apart from common people.

The powers were bestowed upon them by the divine deities that protect the kingdom. Physical invincibility, which renders a king immune to any weapon, and the ability to ward off plagues are among the most common supernatural powers attributed to kings.

That afternoon, Ida Cokorda Anglurah Tabanan, re-enacted the role of his ancestors to protect his people from a plague that threatened their crops.

As the procession moved on, Ida Cokorda Anglurah Tabanan repeatedly sprinkled tirta (holy water) on the ground and rice fields around him.

Earlier in the morning, the tirta was empowered in a brief ritual at the village's temple. In the ritual, all the villagers prayed together, imploring the gods and deities to transfer their powerful blessings to the tirta.

When the ritual ended, the villagers were ready to start the procession, which forms the main part of the Nangluk Merana (literally means to conquer the pests).

"The ritual is our last effort to cope with the rats that destroyed our last harvest," the Bendesa (chief of traditional customary village) Riang Gede, Wayan Sudiarsa told The Jakarta Post.

He said that during the last harvest, the farmers were only able to salvage 30 percent of their total crops.

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"I usually manage to get one ton of rice from my 25 acres of rice field. However, in the last harvest I only get 300 kilograms of rice," said a farmer, Wayan Artawa.

The village has a population of 730 households and most of the families' livelihood are heavily dependent on the village's 270 hectares of rice fields.

The rats infestation didn't end last harvest. Instead, it has been intensifying over the last three months.

"We planted new seeds three weeks ago, but most of the seeds have been eaten by the rats," the head of Riang Gede administrative village Dewa Gede Putu Arya said.
The ritual, according to Arya, was the village's last resort.

"We have done everything we can, from chasing and killing the rats to using poison. But nothing has worked so far. So today we are conducting the Nangluk Merana ritual to ask to the deities to help us control the rats," he said.

He added that most Balinese believed that if they could not settle a problem by sekala (the physical, real world) ways, they should try niskala (the unseen, spiritual) ways.

He added that the village had conducted similar rituals several times in the past and they had proven to be effective.

"Our ancestors have conducted similar ritual years ago and believe it or not it had always succeeded in taming the rats," he said.

"We hope this ritual will also work this time,"


The more I find out about Bali, the more it intrigues me.....

Special costumes for graft suspects

From the Jakarta Post!

The Corruption Eradication Commission (KPK) is designing a special costume for graft suspects.

Deputy KPK chairman for prevention Mochammad Jasin said Thursday the move was part of efforts to deter people from committing graft.

The idea has been discussed in a series of meetings, but the KPK's leaders remain undecided on whether the costume should be mandatory for corruption suspects once they are declared suspects, or only when they stand trial.

Jasin said the KPK's leaders would issue a decree on the special costume.


Hmm, I can imagine half of the Government and legislators will probably be asked to don this costume at some point during their career...

Brilliant Idea though, I think there should be a nationwide competition to design the costumes, here’s my submission for starters!

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Live Presidential Question Time from the Parliament would be so much more interesting!

Tuesday 5 August 2008

On returning home....

I arrived home from Thailand last Saturday about lunchtime and since the family were still in Pattaya there did not sem to be any sense in going straight back to an empty house.

I had recieved an SMS from the owners of the Apa Kabar (Pub) who reminded me that last wekend was the Kemang festival, and, Apa Kabar is situated directly opposite the music stage on the section of the road called Kemang Raya which was closed to traffic.

I remembered how much fun the Saurday afternoon session is, sitting in the shade off the bars carpark, dining (read imbibing heavily on Bintang)and headed straight for the pub.

Bollocks, I had forgotten to recharge the battery on my camera and only got about 5 or six shots...note to self, invest in a spare battery!

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An Achenese Folk Troupe.

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Having fun while vending ones wares.

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Scaring the shit out of the children.

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With the help off a few off ones friends......

Cannot wait until next year........

Bizarre Bazzar

I got home last night and there was one of the usual bits of paper from the Residents Association with an invitation to a celebration to be held in a nearby Park.

I almost ignored it because it was in Bahasa Indonesian....

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Then my eagle eyes spotted the translation, I read the document, realising that it was unlikely that I would attend and then.....I read the last paragraph!

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WTF!!!!!!

I think I will definately avoid this one, but, if you hear the collective scream of hundreds of Indonesian boys from South Jakarta on the 23rd of August, I am sure you will now know exactly what caused it....

Buggered

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Once again our Indonesian Intelligensia are at it again, this time, it’s bugs….more specifically, a U.S. Navy medical research lab in Jakarta is under the microscope as a possible cover for espionage!

Naval Medical Research Unit No. 2 is a US funded laboratory whose primary function is to investigate and identify viruses, including malaria, dengue fever and avian flu, in an effort to spearhead the hunt for mutating viruses that could set off the next global flu pandemic.

Indonesia has told the USA to shut the facility down and no longer supplies samples for testing as they believe that the “good ole merkuns” could make a biological weapon from the viruses which roam across the archipelago.

Funny that, just after announcing that Indonesia would no longer share it’s virus samples with the world, the Health Minister publishes a book warning that any viruses shared with other countries could be manipulated into Biological Weapons and turned against Indonesia. (I somehow cannot see this as getting on the best seller list anywhere.)

Why bother! In my opinion, Indonesian viruses are even stronger than their Indian and Pakistani cousins and incapacitate me on a regular basis, biological warfare, these fuckers are already the worlds deadliest “weaponised” bugs.

I have the toilet paper in the fridge to prove it!

The U.S. Embassy in Jakarta has off course “firmly denied” that the facility is used to gather intelligence and said most of the lab's staff are Indonesians helping with research

The Indonesian Defense Minister stated that his ministry recommended the lab be closed because its operations were too secretive and incompatible with Indonesia's security interests. In addition the Health Minister also said she had recommended to the President that it be closed.

Our “good ole merkun” friends say that this is all part off a bigger catfight over sample sharing (including Avian Flu) and eventually, the government backed down, allowing samples to be only supplied to World health Organisation researchers.

But, this does not help Indonesia one bit. In order to be fully prepared for pandemics, new viruses require testing as quickly as possible and you can test a virus not knowing if it's avian influenza, normal flu, or god forbid, something completely different.

Now those viruses do not appear to be going anywhere fast for testing, and worse, Indonesian labs cannot do the sophisticated research that the “merkun” Lab can.

It is widely believed that Indonesia has many strains of the avian flu virus, and that without constant research, a different strain more easily transmitted to humans could catch scientists off guard, and spread rapidly before a vaccine is ready.

In an effort to assist science, I contacted my local Indonesian Laboratory and offered a few samples of my own for testing. They asked me to provide a blood sample, a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample.

I gave them a pair of my old underpants. I have as yet received no response.

I am sure Naval research Unit No. 2 would have come back to me very quickly, thus, possibly saving the world from one of the worst possible pandemics ever.

Ripping the heart from Sumatra

One Truckload at a time!

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One Truckload at a time!

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One Truckload at a time!

Hot Spot Warning!

The press today has been critical on the subject of Hot Spots, basically slow buring areas of land and their potentail to send smoke haze across Singapore and Malaysia.

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From Reuters....

More than 500 hot spots have been spotted across Indonesia's Sumatra island, signalling the annual dry-season forest fires and the haze it sometimes carries, a Forestry Ministry official said on Monday.

Forestry ministry official fear the number of hot spots could exceed last year's record as the current dry season will be marked by less rain than usual, Sonny Partono, the director of forest fire control, told Reuters.

"According to the Meteorology agency, this year's dry season is very dry, not wet like last year. That's the problem," Partono said. "Looking at the fluctuation of hot spots, this year could be worse than last."

Partono said he had recorded 8,000 hot spots since January. Last year's dry season was wetter than usual, resulting in 35,000 hot spots, down from 144,000 in 2006.

In the past, Indonesia's neighbours have grown increasingly frustrated by the annual fires, most of which are deliberately lit by farmers or timber and palm oil plantation companies to clear land for cultivation.

Sorry guys, bad news they are also starting to appear in Jakarta....

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As seen on the Cikampek Toll Road. The passengers were about a mile further down the Toll Road, walking very, very quickly!

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No sign of the emergency services either...Ho Hum, nothing changes here!

Monday 4 August 2008

Open mouth to change feet!

Only in Indonesia could the Tourist Ministry organize an event like this without obtaining customs clearance. Welcome to Indonesia. (Salemat Datang Muthfucka!)

Custom Officers Confiscate 105 Yachts in East Nusa Tenggara

On Saturday 2 August customs officers in Kupang, East Nusa Tenggra seized 105 yachts being used by participants of “The Sail Indonesia 2008”. “They are not allowed to leave port, as they have not obtained custom clearance, officers said. The event, organised by the Tourism Ministry, is aimed at increasing foreign tourist arrivals. From Kupang they are supposed to continue to Maumere (Papua), Mataram (West Nusa Tenggara), Denpasar (Bali), Java and Batam. (Source: Kompas)

Sunday 3 August 2008

A first for East Java - Gay Serial Killer Theme Park

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Serial Killers are big news in any country, but, here in Indonesia they are a source of income through tourism…

Police recently arrested Very Idam Henyansyah, who they allege (and he has admitted the crimes) killed at least 11 men and women.

Fuelled by gory photos of crime and accident victims, people are flocking to the small village of Jatiwates so they can see this shit for themselves..

The murderer, a 30-year-old unemployed man (known to his friends as Ryan), was arrested in mid-July after police identified a mutilated body as one of his dates. The murder for which he was nicked was committed about 5 km from my house and body parts were found in various locations in Jakarta.

The Police, focused on other possible crimes later dug up more alleged victims, (ironically, in the press it stated that several of these victims had had worked out at a local fitness centre – obviously not veryn good for their health) and it was at this point that hundreds of people descended on Jatiwates - about 640km from the capital Jakarta – (notably famous for its Islamic religious schools) to watch as the boys in brown exhumed bodies from the makeshift graves and to see the suspect as he gave the cops the guided tour around his back gardedn..

In an amazing show of ghoulish behaviour, visitors were interviewed and the statements made are as follows:

"I want to see with my own eyes because it's really hot in the news. So I came on a bus with the neighbours," said Pak “never been to” Warsiti, who traveled from Jember, 175km from Jombang. (Dickhead)


Some women from a Koran-reading group pooled their money to rent a minibus from nearby Mojokerto to see "Ryan's ghost house", while a group of 9-year-old boys said they had come by minivan to see the "corpse diggings". (Lovely idea for a day out girls, never mind the teachings, go visit the zombies and, worse, whose parents would let a bunch of nine year olds visit a crime scene?)


"We are not scared," said Jody Sumarso, 28, who brought his wife and 8-month-old baby on his motorbike, driving 60 km to the village when he heard the story on a local radio. (Another fuckwit, wife and 8 month old baby by motorbike for 60 klick’s to see corpses)

The newspapers further quoted…

Earlier this week, hundreds of people could be seen hanging around near the house, watching and munching on snacks as the police uncovered skeletons and corpses from the yard, despite an overpowering smell.


There was much jostling, and the crowds shouted at a police officer who tried to push people back behind the police line.


Some visitors broke down a wall and damaged a bathroom at Ryan's house. Others turned their sarongs into makeshift hammocks hung on a nearby tree to make their viewing more comfortable.

Brilliant, Indonesia has discovered a new form of theme park, destined to rake in gazillions of Rupiah for the impoverished locals who decided to cash in on the sudden influx of tourists.

First things first, they set up an impromptu market in a rice field near Ryan's house, selling snacks and balloons, while others, realising the true potential rented out their yards as parking lots for visitors' motorbikes and cars.

Police said the murders took place in the past two years, and warned there could be more victims. That should keep the crowds rolling in…….

On with the story….gets better by the minute!!!!!!!

The police Thursday confirmed that serial killer suspect Verry, better known as Ryan, was not mentally ill and was completely conscious when committing the alleged murders. (I’m still trying to figure out how you do shit like that when you are unconscious?)

The police further confirmed that:

“Verry is sensitive and easily gets annoyed and angry. When angry, Verry becomes very impulsive and aggressive, expressing his anger by, for example, throwing, smashing and beating things."  (Not to mention murdering ten health conscious salad munchers)

Verry's personality, the police suggested was the result of being raised in a family that quarreled constantly and a lack of care. Because of his dominating mother, Verry grew up to become a bad tempered, aggressive man who hates women.

"That may accounts for why he is a homosexual and likes to dress in women's clothing," was the statement made by the cops, adding that his mother, had the same bad temper. (But did she dress in women’s clothing?)

East Java Police's spokesman, Captain Major Commander Sergeant Fuckwit , said they would investigate people close to Verry under suspicion that they might also be involved in the alleged murders.

There we have it, a Gay Serial Killer Theme Park and the police planning on leaving no stone unturned in the investigation. I’d better get a move on so I can be first on the “Big Dipper” when they get the funfair working!

On a somber note, there is a possibility that it may become open season on Homosexuals and Cross Dressers!……

Bring out your dead....Bali Style

Bring out your dead was a line used in the Monty Python Film "The Holy Grail" however, it probably means something completely different in Bali!

There are few things that can be considered normal by westerners when discussing Bali, however, things get a little stranger when there is a funeral. A few weeks ago hundreds of thousands of people gathered in Ubud to participate in the cremation of two Balinese royals.

Here’s what the Indonesian News Agency Antara had to report…..

Ubud royal family head Tjokorda Gde Agung Suyasa, who died in March after a long illness, and lesser royal Tjokorda Gde Raka who also died in March, were cremated on a massive hand-crafted pyre representing the universe.

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The hill town of Ubud, the cultural capital of mainly Hindu Bali, came to life before dawn with women wearing sarongs and traditional blouses carrying offerings of fruit on their heads to the royal palace.

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Neighbourhood chiefs exhorted people over loudspeakers to wake up and get ready for the service, as men gathered at the palace to carry the huge pyre that will be paraded through town around midday.

"Each person has their job. For me, it's making coffee for people coming in. For the men, it's making the cremation towers," domestic worker Ni Made Rinun told AFP.

"Everyone works, no one is lazy," she added.

For months, the bodies of the dead royals have been waited on by relatives with offerings of food and coffee in bedrooms of the palace.


Most revered royal family

The royal family of Ubud, a hillside town famous as the heartland of traditional Balinese arts, is one of the most revered royal families on the island.

It is descended from royalty from the neighbouring island of Java who fled the fall of the Hindu Majapahit Empire in the 15th century.

At the start of the funeral procession, the bodies will be brought from the main temple where they have been lying in state since Saturday.

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The bodies of 68 commoners, many also dead for months, were dug out of graves on the weekend and cremated in preparation to be included in the procession.

The royal remains will be loaded via bamboo and wood gangways into colourful papier-mâché towers called bade. The multi-tiered, demon-covered towers symbolise the three levels of the Balinese Hindu universe.

More than 200 men in traditional dress will heave each tower -- the tallest of which is 28 meters (92 feet) high -- onto their shoulders with bamboo slats, spinning the structures around to ensure the spirits of the dead are too disoriented to return home.

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Also winding through the streets will be the Naga Banda, a seven-metre long "dragon" reserved for the highest royals and symbolising the wisdom of the royal family.

Lying symbolically between heaven and earth in the bade, the royals are paraded to the sound of traditional gamelan orchestras, a percussion instrument resembling a cross between a xylophone and a bell.

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Then they are loaded into sarcophagi representing black bulls bedecked with gold foil, which are then wrapped in the Naga Banda.

The priest pours holy water on the bulls before they and the towers are set alight. Finally, the ashes are taken to Bali's eastern Sanur beach to be cast into the sea.

The cremation is intended to return the body to the fundamental elements of fire, air, water, earth and void. Smaller ceremonies then release the soul to reach oneness with God before, after a time, it is reincarnated.

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"(The soul) doesn't stay in the body, it's probably around the body," explained Tjokorda Dge Raka Kerthyasa, the successor as Ubud's royal head.

"The process of cremation separates the attachment of the soul to the physical being, the world. I think... I haven't died yet so I don't know."

Tjokorda Raka Swastika, nephew of the late Ubud royal family head, said "only the blue bloods" were honoured with a cremation featuring the Naga Banda.

"(The family) is not only respected in Bali, we are related to the royal families in Java, South Sumatra, all over Indonesia ... Our family is respected by great people all over the world," he said.


Now, I don’t now about you, but the concept off exhuming 68 corpses, cremating them and then using them in the procession is just a bit weird, but, you cannot deny it, Bali is definitely “something else.!

Shameless Plug

Although I professed to doing nothing while in Thailand I did finally get this one finished.

Gotcha


In my mind it took far far too long to complete but, at least it's done now!