Monday 24 October 2005

Da Pizza Delivery Statue - Sudirman Square

F**k me this effen plate's hot Posted by Picasa

Heavy Lift - Jakarta Style

Oh sh*t!
(Stick strikes again) Posted by Picasa
Bajaj driver spots the hazard and legs it...(Another Stick speshul)Posted by Picasa

Busy Doing Nothing

Have a break-Have an Ojek
Yet another example of things that only our local chums can do! (As spotted by Stick) Posted by Picasa

Volcanoes, Clouds and Death on the Road

It’s amazing what a bit of rain can do, probably for the first time this year the sun was shining and lo and behold, the silhouettes of the volcanoes that surround Jakarta were clearly visible in the distance to the south.

White fluffy clouds skirt the city and the almost unheard off blue skies set the morning off just nicely. Another rarity in around this neck of the jungle is the need to wear sunglasses! Normally pollutants haze the sun so that its normal appearance is a muted overhead glow. Not so this morning with an untold radiance spilling down over the city.

Unbelievably, from Jakarta Seletan (South Jakarta) the spires and towers of the central business district can be seen (another rare occurrence) with the reflections from the sunlight sending shards of light beaming over the skyline like Star Wars laser beams. Mornings like this make it all worth the normal grey and gloomy existence here.

Needless to say, this idyllic scene will not last long. The usual morning scramble to work sends out a noxious exhaust plume which shuffles into the stratosphere to hover for the rest of the day bringing the normal pallor to the city.

There are of course negatives to the scene described. The fact that the “fluffy clouds” are around merely serves as a warning that later in the day they will marshal their forces and send yet another deluge into the metropolis, once again causing the havoc which is typical of the rainy season here.

The storms of Saturday and Sundays demonstrated that although seemingly sound, my house is a veritable colander with more leaks than Watergate. The minions who arrived to assess the problem seemed less than overjoyed as in order to identify where the problem lies there would need to be a major examination requiring removal of roofing tiles. Not a happy bunch of campers. This roof-ectomy has not yet been scheduled, however when it starts it is bound to bring many opportunities for the kind of stupidity at work which only South East Asia can provide.

As I write this in the car on the way to work, the prospect of a pleasant day is destroyed by, you guessed it “traffic”. With only another 10 km to go, everything ground to a halt, gridlocked on the toll road and no sign of any movement faster than snails pace. Once again the problem is asinine behaviour with the tailback apparently caused by a truck who decided to change lanes without indicating, promptly taking out the central barrier and spilling his load of aggregate over the road. With the weight of the load making it impossible to move the truck, minions are despatched to shovel the shit from the back until the truck is light enough to move. The front end of the truck was totalled and judging by the look of things there will be another horde of motorbikes with yellow flags escorting the driver to his planting later today.

Ah, just another day in paradise……..

The Volcano next door

Is that a puff of smoke? Posted by Picasa


Tollway Mayhem



Another one bites the dust Posted by Picasa

The Storm Approaches

Mair rain!
Yesterday was a belter.
Clouds brew with the distant sound of thunder in the background. Posted by Picasa

Sunday 23 October 2005

And the Heavens opened...(Taken from Puri Casablanca - 15th Floor, downtown Kuningan) Posted by Picasa
It rained a little bit yesterday.
(No shit Sherlock) Posted by Picasa
Not spotted in Kemang!
(Makes on a little homesick) Posted by Picasa
One of the workers at the Jakarta "Nike" Factory takes a break. Posted by Picasa

Choice Neighbourhood

There are many select areas within Jakarta for
those who wish to live "the Good Life".
Posted by Picasa
Typical Jakarta Streetart
The Tembok Bomber strikes again. Posted by Picasa

Saturday 22 October 2005

Looking for a new job?



Playboy TV UK/Benelux LimitedCompliance Viewer
Free-to-air Compliance Viewer required, short-term contract
Playboy TV is looking for a person experienced in viewing programmes for television broadcast for compliance with Ofcom regulations, ideally with an understanding of the rules applied to late-night erotica.The ideal candidate will be available immediately to work for about one month, although this may be extended.Applicants will need to be comfortable watching material aimed at an adult audience.Please send your CV, availability and current salary details (or expectations) to Richard Ings, Head of Programming, Playboy TV. Please do not submit CVs if you do not have relevant experience.

Thursday 20 October 2005

Rain Rain Rain

Flooding and general wetness – the Rainy Season returns in force.

Wet, wet, wet is the only way to describe the current climate. Rains are battering Jakarta daily with an average deposition of 2” per day.

Great though it is for vegetation and farmers, the general populace has had to look out last year’s waterproofs and umbrellas and batten down the hatches for the seasonal onslaught.

With the advent of this plethora of precipitation comes the standard mayhem on the roads with the usual nutters unable to control their cars and skidding all over the shop. The local traffic police seem to accept this type of behavior and seem to delight in the antics of the motorists in their care; probably betting on whose idiocy is going to cause the next pileup.

As the surface water increases, so does the amount of crap which flows from the verges at the sides of the roads until the fast lane often resembles a landslip with the amount of rich brown soil which slithers across the lanes.

While the toll roads are normally busy at any time, the traffic increases during the rain due to the side roads which are free to drive on becoming flooded and as the toll roads are built on higher ground they inevitably become crowded to the point of saturation.

While the annual drenching is expected, no-one as always seems to have planned and windscreen wipers which have never been checked in six months appear to have deteriorated into useless strips of rubber with the driver’s complete lack of visibility causing even more havoc.

Even better, pick-up trucks, normally laden with goods tend to be uncovered. When the rain starts, there is a mad frenzy to get plastic or tarpaulin or anything to cover the goods in the back. One poor bastard had a truck full of washing powder, which you guessed it was frothing away merrily while he tried to cover his truck. Brilliant! (where is the effin camera when you need it).

Aquaplaning is another popular pastime with most idiots in the fast lane being unaware of the fact that the fine veneer of liquid they can see in the distance is actually three or four inches deep. Hitting that puddle at 80 km/hr is like watching a cat that has been shot up the arse with an air rifle. POW – the stupid f**ker is all over the shop and cannot figure out that slowing down may actually help the problem.

Having said that, there are plus points and bonuses. Half the female population of the city look like evacuees from a Wet T Shirt competition.

The underpasses and areas under motorway bridges become crowded with those attempting to avoid the inevitable drenching, buses and taxis eager for the attendant business stop wherever they please, and the tomfoolery slides into a scene from the “Blues Brothers” with crashes, bumps and fender benders everywhere.

On a brighter note, the rain cuts through the smog and pollution with the benefits being that once the downpour ceases, Jakarta looks almost habitable in a post holocaust sort of fashion. Blue skies peep cautiously from behind the rain clouds, waiting for their fifteen minutes of fame before the cumulative exhaust haze forces them back into hiding.

Ah – Jakarta!

Wednesday 12 October 2005

What Price Security?


As more and more building owners are reluctant to call the police after receiving bomb threats, public safety is now at stake. The main reason is that the supposedly free public service now has a price tag.

A Senior Criminologist from the University of Indonesia, who often acts as an advisor to the police, said that the police should take tough measures against officers who demanded payment. (Ha!)

An Indonesian Corruption Watch (ICW) activist said the excuse of budget constraints to justify police demanding payment for their services was unacceptable as it was the right of citizens to get security protection from the state.

"Police always say that they don't have the money to finance their operations. But, we know that they get huge amounts of money from illegal sources. Why don't they use that money to pay the bomb squad?"

He asserted that many reports had showed that many police officers had billions of rupiah in the bank, while a bomb squad officer earned about Rp 1 million (less than US$100) a month.

A number of building managers in the capital complained earlier that they were forced to make a deal on the payment before the police agreed to send in the bomb squad to sweep the buildings after receiving bomb threats.

Many of them, who received more than one call, suspected a new mode of extortion.

The issue surfaced last week after the police made public their displeasure with the management of French hypermarket Carrefour (the one nearest my house springs to mind as it probably has the largest Expatriate community in Jakarta using it) which failed to inform them about a bomb threat and, instead, deployed its internal security (sic) guards to sweep the store.
The hypermarket opened the following day as no bomb was found by the security guards. Please bear in mind these security guards would be incapable of finding a rattle in a babies pram!

The Criminal Law Procedures Code has stipulated that only the police have the right and expertise to investigate terror threats.

The police said that if there had been an explosion, the hypermarket could have faced criminal charges for negligence resulting in injuries.

Senior sources also suggested that the police communicate with building managers and convince them politely that they were not going to disrupt the operations of the building.

I can see the wailing of sirens arriving at the building in question convincing the building residents that there is nothing amiss!

"Furthermore, the public should stop giving money to the police so it won't become a habit," he added. (As if it is not already- traffic fines, jump to the top of the line ect)

A senior police sokesman said that it was clear that police's internal regulations prohibit officers from asking money for their services.

"It's bribery and abuse of power at the same time. We never tolerate that. If we ever catch an officer asking money from the public, we will punish him,".

He said that public should refuse any demands for payment for a bomb sweeping service, and immediately report the officers to the Jakarta Police either by sending a text message to 1717 or by calling the police hotline on 112.

As stated earlier: What Price Security?

Tuesday 11 October 2005

With the cost of fuel spiralling higher, some companies rely on more traditional methods for deliveries. (He goes faster with a tailwind!)

However, given the delivery boys roadsense, inability to see traffic behind and general behaviour of other drivers our advice is "Get a F**king Van"

Thanks again to Stick Posted by Picasa
Go into Google Search, type "French Military Victories" and hit I'm feeling lucky......
Ramadan

As we get through the first week of the “Holy Month of Ramadan” the effects of fasting all day and gorging all night are becoming evident with people drifting into work later and trying to leave earlier.

Curiously, while spending their time in religious contemplation, there are some other rules which apply which are lesser know than the fasting.

I am of course referring to the procreative pastimes which are banned during daylight hours in Ramadan. Thou shalt not think impure thoughts nor indulge in bare bottom boxing or any other antics, which, along with the fact that there is no food or water must make for a dull time based on western styles of living.

However, look on the bright side, you’re allowed to get into it hammer and tong all night long.

Is it any wonder that those individuals whom you see in the morning waiting for their buses and taxis are all worn out, but, take a closer look and there is a big satisfied grin under the baggy eyes

I dont know if it just me or wjether the roads have really gotten quieter. Is it the price increase on fuel, is it Ramadan or has it not changed at all? The only time that the traffic seems to be normal is during the rush leading up to Iftar & Maghreb where the faithful break the days fast.

I noticed in the Middle East press that the hour preceding Iftar has caused a massive increase in Traffic Accidents . (See photograph below)

“Brigadier Mohammad Saif Al Zafein, Director of Dubai Police's General Traffic Department, said the increase was mainly due to speeding and reckless driving in the rush to get home for Iftar.”

The operations room received 2,313 accident reports in the first three days of Ramadan.
Brigadier Al Zafein pointed out that about 500 minor accidents without injuries take place on Dubai roads every day. The number of accidents usually increases during Ramadan.

This is not reflected within Jakarta as no one can drive fast enough to have a bad accident, unless of course you are a motor cyclist. Staff at one of Jakarta’s watering holes have been hit hard by this rash of motorcycle mayhem with one of the barmaids hobbling around sporting a huge graze under the chin, while in addition, two of the chefs both suffered spills which left the single able bodied chef to manage the nights orders single handed.
Nokia
Connecting People with Lamposts
Another Middle East Iftar accident Posted by Picasa

Sunday 9 October 2005

Joint Chiefs of Staff unveil latest weaponry in the War against Terror Posted by Picasa
And if you look out of the starboard window.....

Fun & Games on the approach into Montreal.

(Speshully for Canukian Bob) Posted by Picasa
Visiting time at the Burd Flu hospice in Jakarta Posted by Picasa
My mouse is not working and my printer is jammed Posted by Picasa
The man currently held in Iraq awaiting trial is an imposter. New evidence proves that the Ex President of Iraq is alive and operating a Bajaj in Jakarta. Thanks to Stick for this one. Posted by Picasa
No Band! No Worries!

You'll never march alone
with an Iprod





Posted by Picasa

Friday 7 October 2005

Life from oil

Metal pipes clang amid the chatter of several men at an old oil field in Semanggi a village in Blora, Central Java.

Residents of nearby villages make a living from obsolete oil wells abandoned by state oil company PT Pertamina.

Semanggi is among dozens of villages in the northern coast of Java that reap a benefit from the mine. The site is known as the Cepu Block, which was recently awarded by the government and Pertamina to U.S. oil giant ExxonMobil after a four-year dispute.

Notably, this award to ExxonMobil cost some of the “higher ups” in Pertamina their jobs as corruption was suspected. (Surprise Surprise)

The site was first opened in 1860 under the colonial government after Dutch engineer Adrian Stoop, while trying to draw water from a well, accidentally discovered a substance that later became known as crude oil. (What the fuck is all this black shit were his exact words).

After independence, the government took over the site, but since 1998, Pertamina has allowed the local residents to “pump” oil from old wells.

The people sell the crude oil to Pertamina at US Cents 16 per liter, and make an income of between US $ 50 to US$ 300 per month.

Below are some pictures showing how modern technology is fully utilised in this endeavour. (Somehow I cannot see this working in the North Sea).
The Javanese Roughnecks get to grips with the drill floor equipment. Posted by Picasa
The "Pump Assembly" is carefully manouvered into the well. Posted by Picasa
The Drilling Engineer, wearing all of the necessary safety equipment brings the haul to the surface. Posted by Picasa
Its a tough existence "harnessing the worlds energy resources". The Rig Camp prepares the best of grub for the drill crew. Posted by Picasa