Wednesday 25 June 2008

Mair Blue Energy

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In an attempt to rectify the discreditation heaped upon him, maverick inventor Djoko Suprapto's invited people to his house to once again demonstrate the power of “Blue Energy”.

While the Jakarta Post quoted that “It was an auspicious moment for the 48-year-old Djoko, a man of dubious educational background, to prove in public his controversial "blue energy" invention was no hoax” the reality is probably more like Bullshit second time around..

This time he changed his tune saying “it wasn't blue energy but rather an alternative energy mix which was 70 percent water and 30 percent diesel.”

The crowd which had gathered did not include any “experts, rather a mix of journalists and laymen who have obviously displayed talent in the “arse from elbow” school of thought.

I am surprised that anyone was there at all as Djoko had moved the showing from 2 p.m. to 9 a.m. It seems that Pak Djoko was trying to avoid enquiries he did not want to answer.

Here goes the Jakarta Post report…Classic Stuff

“As Djoko started the long-awaited demo, all eyes were set on a red rectangular box -- the infamous "Jodhipati" -- which Joko said could power an electric drill and light up bulbs using his fuel. With six 1.5 volt batteries attached, the drill and lights did indeed start up and then remained working after the batteries were removed a few minutes later. The generator is able to produce 10,000 watts of electricity, according to Djoko.

"After the generator starts, it doesn't need an external source of energy. It will work independently," he told his audience.

Knowing his public expose was a "success" he became agitated. He turned to a certain Pak Fuckwit, an academic representing Yogyakarta's Muhammadiyah University, which used to finance his research, and shouted at him, "Fuckwit, please explain all this to the audience and don't dare to intimidate me and never call me a liar again."

"Touch the inside of this box and see if you can get electrocuted."


(While reading this I rolled around on the floor expecting the report to continue with “a volunteer from the audience quickly proved that this was true”)

Initially, the invention had been hailed as a mighty example of Indonesian Innovation and the Muhammadiyah University had spent Rp 1.5 billion (about US$ 166 thousand) on further research only to discover that it was an elaborate hoax. The university has filed a claim for repayment off the investment money.

The university's rector also resigned last week over the scandal. One wonders how they could have approved the investment in the first place and also, given that their gullibility has been exposed, what level of education do they provide.

Getting back to one off the guests, Pak Fuckwit seems to have been the one who asked Djoko to conduct the demonstration for the public and journalists.

Acknowledging he was impressed, Fuckwit said he would ask Djoko to let all the equipment be tested by scientists from such institutions as the Indonesian Institute of Sciences (LIPI), the National Atomic Energy Agency (Batan) and the Agency for Research and Application of Technology (BPPT).

It really does not get any better than this….

Scammers of the world unite!

Sick, you’d better bloody well believe it. Plumbing new depths, thieves have discovered a new scam to make a fast buck, become a doctor, and ask for cash….

Ibu Sillycow received a phone call from a man saying he was a doctor from a local hospital. He told Sillycow her daughter was dying in the hospital and needed an operation. The man asked her to transfer some money for the lifesaving procedure or she would die.

Sillycow lost the plot and demanded her husband transfer Rp 14.7 million (US$1,580) to a bank account, as specified by the Doctor. The stupid bastard did so!

The daughter had supposedly been in an accident and required immediate surgery to implant a heart pacemaker.

Right, you guessed it…a fucking scam. There was nothing wrong with her daughter and the hospital had not called!

Meanwhile, the local plod responded to the Jakarta Post with "I understand people panic when they hear their loved ones are dying in the hospital, but they have to be careful because it is probably a case of fraud," vice head of the criminal division at the city police Adjutant Senior Commander Sergeant Major Dixon of Dock Green said.

No mention was made about tracing neither the Bank Account Number nor the Bank that received the cash…wonder why!

Meanwhile, showing how fucking stupid some Jakartans can be a teacher claims she was hypnotized on her way to work and Rp 10 million (US$1,075) was stolen from her.

The Indonesian language teacher (supposedly well educated) said she met an old man called Zakaria, (funny that, Zakar is Indonesian for penis) who claimed to be the general manager of an oil company in Brunei Darussalam.

Apparently he explained that he needed assistance in changing some money, which he claimed he would give to charity.

Here’s where it all goes Indonesian. As quoted in the Jakarta Post “A veiled woman named Dewi approached the two people, showing sympathy to the old man, while her friend approached the group in a car.

Sugiyanti said she agreed to take the group to her house in Pasar Minggu. She took her bank account book and cashed it in at Bank DKI on Jl. Panglima Polim in South Jakarta, but did not know why. She now believes she was hypnotized. “

Come on for fuxxsakes. Am I missing something here or is everyone in this city as gullible as these victims. Anywhere else in the world I think that people would know when a scam was getting pulled, but apparently not in Jakarta.

Better dash, I have a triple bypass to get paid for and a golden fob watch to buy, oh yes, and when I count to ten you will wake up and remember nothing!

At US$130 a barrel there must be a cheaper way to get fuel.

There has been a lot off talk over how much Oil Indonesia actually has, truth be it to tell there is loads...the only problem is getting it out of the ground.

ExxonMobil have a huge reservoir called "Cepu" which will slowly come on line over the next few years. It has been a known resource for many years but disagreements between ExxonMobil, Pertamina and Tommy Suharto (another finger, another pie) have prevented this development, except that is, the development by the unlicensed local "Oil Companies"

I came across a number off photographs by a guy called Allen Johnston who visited Cepu and what he found was surprising...

The area around the Cepu field, although never properly abandoned was considered as non productive and Pertamina left, also leaving many wells which the locals could access.

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First of all, they had to locate a well which still had casing intact and erect a makeshift derrick over the open hole. As the wells no longer flow, they merely seep, and there is a certain amount of oil enters the well-bore each day which can be extracted.

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On a hi-tech well site, an old truck engine can be used to winch buckets of oil from the well.

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The oil/water mix from the well bore arrives at surface and is directed to a drainage ditch for the next part of the refining process.

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This two man unit has one guy running the engine using his toes to shift gears, the other runs the winch pulling oil out of the ground.Fuck all to do all day except chat and smoke, on top of an oil well!

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Wonderful conditions here, another bucket load headed to the refinery.

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At the end of the drainage ditch, the sludge is allowed to settle with the water at the bottom and the oil floating on top. Using buckets they capture the oil, transfer it into 8 gallon buckets and send it on for further processing.

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While the "treated" water which has separated from the oil is dumped into an environmentally approved area.

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Human Oil tankers ferry the crude to the refinery.

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Meanwhile, the well next door uses a human winch truck to extract the oil.

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In the distance, the flare stack from the refinery can just be seen.

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The refinery is actually a buried 55 gallon oil drum with an oven below it. The crude is poured into the drum and then a lid is placed on top. Mud is used to seal the lid onto the drum. A fire is started and the crude is heated until it cracks and separates into vapours.

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A technician is always nearby to detect the vapours and attach a pipe to the top off the drum to send the vapours into the pool off water on the right. This is the heat / exchanger within the refinery process.

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All the time, the clay seal on the oil drum is renewed to ensure that the vapour is directed correctly. This guy is the clay seal man...

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Displaying the latest in sealing technologies.

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The process is underway, the square tin can directs the vapours underground and through the water...

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This is what they are waiting for, hydrocarbon vapour, the cap is then placed over the barrel and the process is almost complete.

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The pipe runs for about twenty feet through the water and at the end the vapours will have condensed into diesel which is sold to local farmers, presumably without the government surcharges.

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And it's off to market with the Oil Tanker. They claim that they can recover 80% of the hydrocarbon crude as diesel. Makes you wonder.....

Got to give it to the Indonesians, they sure know alternative ways to get something done.

Tuesday 24 June 2008

Where do Condoms come from...

I attended a wedding in Bali last weekend and, in an attempt to keep certain members of the group off guests sober during the day on Saturday it was suggested that we take advantage of a guided tour around the west coast resort that we stayed in.

It was a "plantations" tour which showed how the Balinese had chosen to integrate a number of differing species in a single plantation rather than a mono culture with plantations each bearing only a single species. (Note, not a Bio Fuel Plantation in sight)

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First things first it was decided a drink was in order and the coconut man was sent up the tree to hack a few fresh ones down..took him about 45 seconds to get to the top of the tree.

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Out with the machete and instant refreshments all around.

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Thirst free, he walked over to a rubber tree and opened the existing wound on the tree to allow the white sap to flow lazily down the cut and spiral downwards to the collecting cup.

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The size of the cut is exactly right to create a drop rate of one drop per second into the cup.

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After the "sap wound" dries up (each sapper "milks 300 tree's a day") the residue is collected and taken to the factory where the "rubber making" process starts in earnest.
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The raw sap is poured into vats along with water and hydrochloric acid which makes the sap congeal into a less than recognisable pile off rubber shit.

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This resultant goo is sent through two archaic presses to process the rubber into more manageable sheets.

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Press number one sort of prepares it into a lumpy rectangular shape while press number two compresses it, ensuring all the water is removed and leaves a 1 cm thick sheet of latex rubber.

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The resultant sheets are then laid out to dry in the sun. I may add here they fucking stink.

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When dried, they are placed into a smoke room for four days and kept at a temperature of about 50 degrees C, curing the rubber.

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The end result being raw rubber which is then sent as raw material to the rubber goods manufacturers of the world.

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Packed into bales weighing 130 kg each they await collection...I noticed that nowhere in this process was there a fork lift, crane or pallet jack used. Everything was moved by hand and 130 kg is quite a weight. They manufacture one ton off rubber each day here!

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So the next amourous moment you experience, just think off all that went into making that little "Anti Child Device" that you and your partner fumble with in the dark.

Water cannons can be fun!

One of my acquaintances has security responsibilities for a multinational companies interests within Indonesia, normal business problems include fraud, pilfering, extortion, embezzlement, in fact all of the day to day bullshit that makes life here so interesting.

Part and parcel of the position is “instant” updates on general security issues which are provided by an independent security firm who monitor all aspects of daily “happenings” throughout the country.

While having a quiet beer with him in De Hooi last night his phone started beeping away with SMS received tones. This flurry of activity was a result of demonstrations in Jakarta which apparently were peaceful to start of with and were subsequently fueled by student unrest which led to the police (rather gleefully one assumes) despatching their long unused water cannons and tear gas canisters to the fray.

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The peaceful protest was about the fuel price hikes, an everyday occurrence here, more of a token display off “we are not happy” than anything else. The proceedings became more sinister as about 1,000 Indonesian protesters angered by a student demonstrator's death after his arrest burned cars and hurled stones at police guarding the Parliament.

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Their fallen comrade, Maftuh Fauzi, had been among approximately 100 students who were arrested at similar protests exactly one month ago at the National University. Maftuh, aged 27 years old died in the Pertamina Hospital last Friday (another twist on the tale later), and thus, the militants had three days to plan what their next move was.

(Editors Note: 27 years old and still at University, wonder what the fuck he was studying)

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Yesterdays fun and games started at Parliament, then fucked off to Sudirman where they displayed the old “lets disrupt the traffic” tactic which escalated into “let’s burn a police car” and “fuckit, let’s kick the shit out off some buildings” (These descriptions of the evenings activities are paraphrased from a police spokesman).

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Initially, the official excuse for breaking out the water cannon was to douse the flames on the police car which had been ignited, but, realizing more fun was to be had with these weapons they were turned on the crowd in an attempt to disperse protesters trying to break into the grounds of Parliament.

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A short time later, some poor bastards car was set alight outside the Catholic Atmajaya University on Sudirman, effectively doing what rioters do best, stopping all homeward bound traffic on the city's busiest commuter route, snarling vehicles for miles.

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The fuckwits who planned this carried a fake coffin and pictures of Maftuh Fauzi, demonstrating the fact that this had been a thought out and inflammatory deployment of “Student Wrath”.

Here’s the twist! (There is always one)

As Fauzi had died while in Police Custody, the fuckwits had planned to use this to up the ante on demonstrations regarding the issue off fuel price increase with his martyrdom. Meanwhile the authorities, eager to diffuse the situation decided to portray the luckless martyr as “one of loose morals and dubious sexual practices” claiming he had died of HIV / AIDS.

The AFP reports…..

The Indonesian Doctors' Association was seeking clarification from Pertamina Hospital, which said Fauzi died of HIV/AIDS. Students say he was beaten by police and died of his injuries.

A National Human Rights Commission investigation concluded that the police raid on Fauzi's university campus violated the students' rights and called for an independent autopsy for Fauzi, said commissioner Nur Kholis
.


Watch this space, this looks like an issue which may raise the spark the Indonesian Tinder Box has been waiting for. As for that flurry off SMS messages my friend receives, I would prefer to do without them although, I did ask that he forward the “juicy ones”.

Monday 23 June 2008

Bali - A Sunset Taster and a Volcano

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Got back yesterday, loads to do so I'll take a little time getting the photo's sorted.

Have a Volcano while I'm at it!

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Thursday 19 June 2008

Been busy

Pig off a week, trying to get things cleared at work so I can leave Jakarta for the weekend.

Off to Bali to attend a friends wedding....back soon!

Wednesday 18 June 2008

Kamus Anyone....

I think it was meant to be Peace and Love....

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(Cheers Keith)

There is somethin so wrong with this...

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I cannot imagine what the artist was trying to convey here, but to me, it looks like very bad placement of a head and groin which suggests gayness on the Rugby Field....

Friday 13 June 2008

Three Fools

There is a very interesting fellow called Valin whom I communicate with occasionally who was the driving force behind my feeble attempts at animation. He is also responsible for the Animated Dilligaf on the left hand side.

I got a message from him regarding YTMND (You the man now dog) a website for graphics/music posts and discovered that he had used one of my tracks on it...

Three Fools



Edit...two tracks

Mindaround



Hats Off to Valin, you can see more off his stuff here.......(He is the man on the April section with the wierd eyes)

Lookknowhere



Brilliant!

Monday 9 June 2008

Rumble in Errr - CITOS?

While I was visiting “the Land Down Under” last week, a number of things happened here in Jakarta which have been commented on within other blogs.

These included more flooding due to high tides (so bloody predictable), the FPI (Thugs) setting upon Islamic moderates at a rally using canes to beat them, subsequent arrests by the police of said thugs, Treespotter’s dog Mowgli died (condolences) and Obama Mania struck again.

All of the above aside, one item which worried me was the fact that one of Jakarta’s busiest Malls was the site of a gangland turf war with members of “Basri” and a rival gang “Milton” hammering it out with each other in Cilandak Town Square, otherwise known a CITOS.

Samurai Swords, Cleavers and other assorted weaponry were used as what was termed a gathering at the Brew & Co Cafe to celebrate their peace agreement erupted into a scene from Apocalypse Now.

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The mall is a favourite for Women and Children, wide open and airy with a moderate selection of shopping and eateries, the concept of gang warfare in this tranquil shopping centre is still one I cannot get my head around.

But, as always, in Jakarta there is a twist, usually accompanied by bullshit and lies. Let’s get on with the Bullshit and Lies first and get to the twist later.

As quoted in the Jakarta Post…”
A member of Citos building's management, Sulardi, (read Fuckwit) said security officers at the mall had checked incoming visitors using metal detectors. However, the gang managed to enter carrying sharp weapons.


This is both a blatant fairytale and bullshit of the highest order. There are no metal detectors at the mall and also, no way to install any as the entrance is wide open to pedestrian traffic at the front and back of the Mall. Sulardi was lying through his teeth!

Another classic case of “Indonesian Porky Pies” to suggest that Mall security had done all possible to prevent the violence.

Now for the twist! Again, from the Jakarta Post.

Reports from detik.com said earlier that day the two groups had an altercation at the Bona Indah elite housing complex in Lebak Bulus, South Jakarta.

On Wednesday morning, Milton members went to the housing complex to collect Rp 200 million (US$21,505) in debts from Basri members, who reportedly refused to pay the debt.

The housing complex security guards then took the two groups to the Cilandak Police station.

At the station, they made an agreement, saying Basri should pay Rp 110 million to Milton, while the remaining Rp 90 million would be paid later, according to Makmur.

After the settlement, he said, at around 2 p.m., the two gangs held a gathering at the Brew&Co Caf‚ to celebrate their peace agreement, when a brawl broke out.

According to witnesses, there were dozens of people involved in the brawl.

Now, correct me if I am wrong, the Police mediated between two groups off known thugs regarding money of almost certain dubious origin and then let them go on their way….

To me it seems that the Cilandak Cop Shop (which is just around the corner from my house) has a very different view about how gangs, thugs, loan sharks, and known criminal elements should be treated than that espoused by Jakarta Police Chiefs.

Now, what makes me feel at ease and bound to give the shoppers back their confidence the Cilandak Police Commander stated that “We currently have 10 police officers guarding the mall." (Ten against Dozens?)

Meanwhile, across the road at Rumah Sakit Fatmawati, twenty other officers were on guard at the Fatmawati Hospital, where a wounded victim was treated. The victim, identified as 48-year-old Pattimura Tuhuteru, is a member of the Basri Gang. He was later transferred to another, presumably “High Security” hospital.

South Jakarta is certainly not as quiet as it used to be, my answer to my daughter when she asks if she can go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon have changed radically since last week!

Saturday 7 June 2008

Indonesian Magic (Or how to Bamboozle the President)

One of my "Daily Reads" is Jakartass who is linked on the left hand column. Having been a regular consumer of his "musings" and also having met him I have plenty of time to wade through his postings and I enjoy what each new post contains.

Jakartass is also "Green" I mean very "Green" and I rather enjoyed the post which I have linked here.

EcoFuel

I recommend you read this before moving on to the best bit....

Obviously the Jakarta Post decided to do some checking up and this was subsequently published. Has to be scam of the century! (I giggled my tits off)


Indonesian 'wonder fuel' just plain diesel: report

A controversial plan backed by Indonesia's president to turn water into cheap and limitless energy has run aground, with tests showing the wonder fuel is just plain diesel, a report said Tuesday.

Government scientists have revealed that tests on the so-called "Blue Energy," purportedly made from water, showed it was diesel from state oil company Pertamina, The Jakarta Post reported.

"Blue Energy is nothing extraordinary as it is just a form of hydrocarbon or fossil fuel," Research and Technology Minister Kusmayanto Kadiman was quoted as saying.

The energy "breakthrough" grabbed headlines in Indonesia after its inventor, Joko Suprapto, managed to convince President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono he could separate hydrogen from water, turning it into diesel.

The plan was exhibited at the United Nations climate change conference in Bali in December with the president's blessing.

Suprapto went missing last month but was found in a hospital in West Java suffering from heart problems after Yudhoyono, fearing he had been abducted by jealous oil barons, ordered a police search, Tempo news magazine reported.

It further appears that quite a large sum of cash was made available by the government to the aptly named Joko

How embarrassing!

Thursday 5 June 2008

The Story of Oz......(For Mum)

I got this at the end off an e-mail from my mother...

" I follow your Blog nearly every day –it helps to keep track of you , but not what you get up to! "

So Mum, this one is for you.......

Having been told that I had to attend a set of meetings in Adelaide (plans were changed about three times before the date was finalised)and thus, the first part of my Australian adventure was underway.

At the last minute I grabbed the opportunity to get off the plane at Sydney before flying on to the business part of the schedule. I have a few friends there so it was easy to make quick plans, alter my flights and off I went.

Got on the Airbus A380 in Singapore through the new Terminal 3 and all seemed to be going to plan. The jetway's onto the plane were a vast improvement over T1 & T2

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While on board the monster the seating was pretty spacious and the in flight entertainment system allowed for the use off Flash Drives and intranet connections from your laptop to the entertainment console.

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Should have known better, one hour out the plane developed a problem and we headed back to Singapore to be offloaded onto a Jumbo and I noted that the Ambulances, Fire Engines and Crash Trucks escorted the Airbus to the Terminal on our return to Changi.

There was not a peep from the Singaporean Press about this, perhaps national pride was at stake!

Arriving at my hotel in Sydney 6 hours late I was informed that my nights booking for the night before was not refundable and thus, my first A$210 was lost. Then, the shock when I got to the room and discovered it was in fact a fucking wardrobe sized compartment had me growling...one quick whisky later I relaxed, thinking the view from here is not that bad!

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Out and about, I travelled through the adjacent Mall and went down to Darling harbour itself and settled down to a beer and enjoyed the scenery at the waterfront.

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Sydney is a strange mix of old and new, especially the central business district, which makes for pleasing scenery, but, despite the readily available public transport system (Monorail, Underground, Buses etc) walking was the easiest way around the place.

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Beers were in order, there's another acquaintance I have in Sydney but I had lost his telephone number, so, I went searching for him in one of the bar's he mentioned that he drank in. No luck in finding him in the Three Monkeys but about four beers later I decided to move on in search of food.

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Having arranged to meet my friends later, with the aid of a map I managed to find the road where our meeting place was and went searching for something to eat.

Outside one bar there was an advert for Steaks at A$7 each, so not really paying attention I entered and ordered one. Got a beer, headed for a table on a balcony area outside and took a look at the clientele. Bugger me blind it was a poofter shop, which was confirmed by the sign on the wall behind me....

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One very fast Steak later, I met up with my mate who had decided that we should partake of a little night life before meeting the rest of the group so off we headed to King's Cross which is much like Soho in London but very far removed from Nana Plaza in Thailand...

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Behind the glitzy facade there was an unfortunate sight for the weary traveller, the entertainment centres of Sydney really do need a lick of paint! (I would also recommend washing the floors occasionally to get the sperm residue removed)

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We met the remarkable Joe here. Nothing much to say about him except...

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By this time, it was getting near time to meet the main group, the venue was "The Columbian" on Oxford Street. Now. the only thing I have to complain about the maps and tourist guides in Sydney is that they do not mention little things like, "OXFORD STREET IS GAY CENTRAL"

I should have known after the Steak incident, but, that was nothing compared to the "I'm on the pink side off the bus attitude" which was on show on the second floor off this shop.

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There were a lot of gay deaf people, I got the impression that chatting each other up over a busy bar was easy using sign language, some of which even I could understand. Figuring out who was "mummy" and who was "daddy" was relatively easy here.

Eventually, I had to give in and go for a piss, it was like walking the plank in a Pirate Movie, but nothing prepared me for the Vending Machine. Wipe on Pheromones, use responsibly...

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That was it, quick piss, wash hands, finish drink and then offski, I had just about had enough off gayness for the night and headed back to the hotel, planning on doing the tourist stuff the next day.

Never got that far before the next eye opener...

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Turns out it was an advert for orthopedic shoes.....

The next morning was a bit off a disappointment as when I opened the curtains I discovered that the sun from the day before had gone, in it's place were patchy clouds which did not bode well for the rest of the day.

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So, map in hand I headed for a walk around Darling Harbour to Cockle Bay intending to start the harbour cruise from there. I had been recommended to take a Captain Cook cruise but discovered that I could not buy a ticket in Cockle Bay, instead I had to travel over to Circular Quay to the main office. This time I cheated and did not walk as it seemed to be quite a walk, so by combination of Monorail and Taxi I made my way over to the jetty and all the while, the weather got steadily worse.

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A$32 dollars later with ticket in hand I got on board the boat and did the tourist routine. Sydney Opera House and Harbour Bridge are adjacent to Circular Quay and images that I have seen on TV and the Net for years were suddenly very real, albeit grey and wet.

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After maneuvering through the dense Harbour traffic the boat sped off and, to my surprise I no longer cared about the weather. I remember as a kid in Scotland watching images of Sydney Harbour Bridge and thinking "I'd like to see that someday"

Last Sunday, forty years later was that day!

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For 175 Ozzie Dollars you can go on a 3-1/2 hour crossing of Harbour Bridge, over the top. I think about 1-1/2 hours of that is a safety briefing and the balance is the climbing expedition. From the boat, these adventurers looked decidedly wet, but I'll bet it was a thrill of a lifetime being up there.

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Off around the Harbour area the boat traveled quickly past Fort Denison which was a Penal Colony drop off point. In sunny weather I suppose the prisoners probably thought "Hmm, nice one, loads better than Pentonville" but on a day like last Sunday I suppose it must have appeared pretty grim.

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Next stop was Watson's Bay, a millionaires playground which seemed like the kind of place I'd like to stay in. Real Estate around this area seemed just a bit pricey for me, but, nonetheless a pretty classy area. (Apparently Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe live around here but don't quote me on that one)

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Leaving Watson's Bay I noticed another of these bothersome Ozzie Regulations which apparently prohibits waving... bugger it, I broke the law! (Sorry for the picture quality)

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Back on Circular Quay, I decided to get off, being pretty drenched and the rain was getting heavy. I could still have travelled onto Darling Harbour and Luna Park Fun Fair, but hunger and the need for beer got the better of me.

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Once off the boat, the area beside Circular Quay next to the bridge is called "The Rocks" and is considered the birthplace of colonial Australia. Established in 1788 it was the site of the original Penal Colony and the buildings, although I suspect having been renovated maintain that "Prison Spirit"

There is a market on George Street on Saturdays and Sundays and there is also a very nice little Irish Pub which sells the best "Bangers and Mash" this side of Dubai Airports "Irish Village"

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Replete with quality sausage and copious quantities of beer I gave up, headed back to the hotel for sleep and the onward journey to Adelaide the next day!

On Monday, the weather if anything had gotten worse and so it was back to the airport and off to Adelaide. This was to be my first encounter with the "famous Qantas service" and I wish it had been my last. Lunch was a sandwich which was thrown at me by a steward who I think I spotted in the gay bar on the Saturday night.

At A$ 538 Dollars for a return flight (distance each way about 500 miles) I was also shocked to discover that drinks were charged at A$ 7 a glass. Even watching the great southern land passing under the plane did not help as there is literally miles and miles off fuck all!

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That was until Adelaide hove into view and the scenery started to change...apparently it has not rained in Adelaide for a few years, yet, it still appeared lusher than the Australia I had been travelling over for the previous 1-1/2 hours.

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Although called the "City of Churches" it should have been renamed "City of Bungalow's" there is one area downtown with a couple of small time high rise buildings, the rest of the city is monotonously single storey.

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Checked into my hotel and it was back to normal sized hotel rooms. The Stamford Plaza (Yup, that "Raffles" fucker gets everywhere) is on the edge of the central business district and overlooks Adelaide Museum and the Railway Station.

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Being a bit of an anorak I decided to check the trains out, only to discover that the station is in fact a Casino. I have an aversion to such places so wandered around till I recharged my "Sydney bled wallet" at an ATM on Grenfell St.

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Adelaide is much easier to traverse than Sydney, but was considerably colder, despite the clear skies. Lacking Sydney's monorail for public transport it has tramcars which whoosh around with that strange "electric noise" that only trams have. Realising that I remembered this sound I figured out that the last time I had heard that hushed drone was when I was possibly three or four years old in Glasgow. Strange memories came back to me, and I must admit I am unsure if this was a real "deja heard" experience or imagination.

The other strange thing was that the trams bore adverts, not for Shampoo and Cereals, but Safety Messages which displayed some quite chilling facts. (Note, the Advert states that each Red Sillhouette indicates a person who has been killed or injured on South Australia's roads since April 1st this year)

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A couple of beers and a Stonegrilled Ozzie Fillet Steak later (very nice they were as well) I buggered of back to the room and got my head down as the main reason I was there was of course business...

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The hotel, nice as it was had one major flaw, it was too effing quiet. The AC on high fan was not enough to create that background noise I need for sleep, so, the only alternative was to open the room window and allow some traffic noise to filter in from ten floors below. Adelaide is pitch dark at night, presumably power consumption limits are in place, so, with very little light I made my way to the window to open it and connected my toe firmly onto the leg of a chair... bastard!

Next morning, it was confirmed that I had a broken toe...

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And it got worse from there on. The meeting was a success, although my presentation must have looked like a comedy act with the broken toe shuffle accenting facts and figures. After the meeting, beers, a meal at an Argentinian Steak Joint was pretty good, but the evening was spoiled as in the taxi on the way back my phone disconnected from my belt clip and that was the last I saw of it.

Wednesday morning I checked in for the return flight to Sydney and was informd the flight was cancelled. Re-booked on a flight departing 50 minutes later I was assured that connections in Sydney were OK. After boarding the flight, the captain announced that the plane had a problem and we would be airbourne in 30 minues. Of course this was not the case. The flight arrived in Sydney in time for me to see my Airbus A380 pushing back from the terminal without me.

I will not go into detail but Qantas were absolute cunts about the whole deal and that perhaps demands a separate post on its own.

Cutting a long story short, I arrived back in Jakarta 13 hours late, but, I had to admit, there was quite a pleasant feeling about being back in the warm and back to a more sedate pace of existence.

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So, that was it... feeling better Mum, now you know what I get up to:

nothing at all!