Tuesday 8 December 2009

Who Ya Gonna Call?

It’s all gone supernatural in Indonesia this week with two stories hitting the press showing how deep seated the beliefs in Animism and the Afterlife sit within the peoples psyche.

Firstly, there were ghosts nicking TV sets, presumably to watch pirated copies of 2012 and Twilight – New Moon.

As reported in the Jakarta Globe…..

The pocong, a ghost clad in a white burial shroud, has reportedly been preying on the village of Dramaga Tengah in West Java, which is home to more than 150 families, for the past month. But in the past two weeks, it has begun to steal personal property.

The spate of ghostly thefts, according to detik.com, prompted about 30 armed villagers to attempt to lure the pocong out from hiding using a fake pocong — essentially a man dressed in a shroud who jumps around the village.

Photobucket

“The people initiated the search for the pocong because many homes reported they had lost their television sets,” Wawak, one of the villagers, told the news portal on Wednesday. The operation lasted several hours but failed to capture any apparition.

In folk mythology, particularly in Java and Sumatra, a dead person will transform into a pocong if the bounds of its shroud become untied after the body is buried. This is related to a Muslim tradition that requires the deceased to be wrapped in a cloth when they are buried.

Because pocong are completely bound, they can only move around by jumping or flying.

One would think that in the 21st Century that these beliefs may have been swept away with science and modern ideologies, but, it appears not and, to cap it all off there’s more!

Today, the 9th of December is World Anti-Corruption Day and there are threats of protests, even riots supposed to take place on the streets of Jakarta amid scandals, assassinations and even “hand jobs” all linked in one way or another to corruption.

Among the demonstrators are a group from an Islamic Boarding School who do not believe that the 13,000 police who have been deployed to ensure that there are no troubles will be able to do their job properly.

I don’t know about you but I would have thought that 13,000 of Jakarta’s finest, most probably dickied up with riot gear should be able to contain most anything, but, they are not capable of fighting the biggest threat – BLACK MAGIC.

Accordingly, the head cleric of this particular school has re-inforcements consisting of GENIES!

As reported by KOMPAS news agency!

A thousand djinns have been summoned to escort the demonstrations of the world antigraft day in Jakarta, Wednesday. The head cleric of Islamic Boarding-school Dzikrus Syifa' Brojomusti, in Lamongan, K.M. Muzakkin, claims to have a Moslem devout djinn that offers alternative ways to assist the antigraft day celebration going in Jakarta.

"This morning we have sent a thousand djinns to the demonstration areas in Jakarta, led by Ghulam Akhmad, a djinn from Egypt who once possessed one of my demented subordinate. This effort is merely to participate and support the demonstrants and the government through another dimension to fight corruption in Indonesia."

The deployed djinns are all trained and professionals, in social sciences, politics, law, security, theology, medication and other fields. So if a demonstrant is possessed or if there is black magic impeding the situation then the djinns from Dzikrus Syifa' school is ready to anticipate the situation.

"We don't want this celebration and endeavor to be ruined by other parties that might provoke and cause riots. The 1,000 Islamic djinns are all ready to secure the great demonstration today."

Photobucket

Way to go! Visions of Ghostbusters, Gremlins and a Thousand Horsemen of the Apocalypse are filling my mind. Despite the fact that I vowed to avoid the town today I think I’ll take a spin down to demonstration central just in case I miss the deployment of the ephemeral armies commanded by Ghulam Akhmad running amuck outside the Presidential Palace.

Indonesia…don’t you just love it!

Thursday 5 November 2009

Now what was I looking for?

Photobucket

In breaking news this morning, Indonesia’s new Communication and Information Technology Minister claimed that Indonesia has the largest number of people accessing pornographic Web sites in the world.

“To date, Indonesia has the largest number of people who access porn sites,” said Tifatul, the former head of the Islam-based Prosperous Justice Party.

Was he able to back this up? Did he have the number of Indonesian hit’s on Youporn, Red Tube, Playboy, Meatspin….emm, err, no!

This is probably because the hard (core) fact’s to substantiate this statement will not actually exist anywhere out-with his imagination.

The Jakarta Globe explained that the minister was “an avid Internet user with his own Facebook and Twitter accounts, as well as a blog” and further mentioned that “he was concerned that the Internet was being used by people in the country for little else besides accessing pornographic materials.”

The best bit was “He said this concern had prompted him to launch a campaign aimed at teaching people how to use the Internet as an online source of useful information.”

OK, despite having the crappiest connection speeds, despite the relatively low number of on-line users, (see here… Asian Internet Statistics and that is only for Asia) and even trying to back this statement using Google Trends and some very compelling “XXX” rated search terms – Indonesia rated overall extremely low in the “ porno download status table”

In fact the highest rating that Indonesia achieved was # 4th place in any of the rankings. (Extra points if anyone can answer the search category) Worth noting that Ireland gets some very high scores, along with Pakistan!

He has however raised the image in my head of the many devout people within the country performing searches for offending websites, offensive images and offensive writings just to firmly establish how bad things are in the big bad internet.

I could give them a few tips, but, I suppose half the fun is in the search itself. Happy browsing!

Monday 2 November 2009

Bit's and Pieces....

Tuning Up....

Photobucket

Jamu Ladies...the Medical Backpackers (Taste at your peril)

Photobucket

Traditional Herbal remedies delivered to your door/

Photobucket

Deep Fried....Roadside Cholestorol, ready to go!

Photobucket

Crowded Buses...Not in this town!

Photobucket

Fireworks! Illegal...not in this town!

Photobucket

Back to the Grind!

I made a journey down to a watering hole in Kemang the other day after twelve days in Thailand. Bangkok, once marked as a city with major traffic woes is nothing compared to the traffic flow (or lack of it ) in Kemang. Despite not liking Bangkok much, it was a pleasant break from Jakarta and my “stress” levels were lowered dramatically, unfortunately only for a short while.

Photobucket

A brief respite was all it was! Current estimates envisage a complete gridlock within five years with EVERY road, street, thoroughfare and pavement jam packed with vehicles, all day, every day. I’m positive that the pavements carry as many motorcycles as the roads do and the ignorant fuckwits bash the horn, beeping pedestrians out of the way, even those on crutches (as I am at the moment).

Meanwhile, rather than considering ways to alleviate the problem, the city administration chose to pass a law which demanded the disabled wear signs to let motorists know their condition when crossing roads. (Which remind’s me, I now qualify, if only I knew where to get my sticker).

Not a mention of leveling footpaths, no extra bridges, no road widening and improvements, no pushing forward the Mass Rapid Transit system (MRT) no removal of older polluting vehicles, nothing sensible at all….

Photobucket

The Jakartan obsession with vehicle ownership has ridden roughshod over town planning and it does not appear to be headed for change anytime soon. Urban Reconstruction, Infrastructure Development, Safety…fuck it, low on the list of priorities.

Catching beggars, attempting to prosecute the “Anti Corruptors” (obviously they were getting to good at their jobs) finding ways to slow the disbursement of relief aid and money to disaster area’s, and in my mind the best, closing the cities major recreational area (a central park which houses the Monas Tower) because of kids having a quick shag in the bushes. - these are the real priorities.

Sadly, it seems that congestion is here to stay…..

This of course is not a problem for those with money. Helicopter taxi’s are a growing business and, I found out over a beer in De Hooi a few weeks ago that if you wanted to hire police motor cycle outriders to clear a path for you that this option was only a phone call (and a relatively small amount of money) away. Where there’s a wallet there’s a way!

Photobucket

Even the economy suffers! Recent studies have demonstrated that if the roads were better planned, if the traffic jams were reduced, if free flowing traffic could be managed, if a limit on the number of vehicles could be enforced (all big if’s I may add) then the Jakartan economy would save approximately US$ 822 million which includes less fuel consumption, less health related problems due to pollution and less downtime at work through lost man hours.

Meanwhile, it’s back to same old, same old and lashings of it. If anyone knows where I can register for my Gimp Certificate to let the motorcyclists be aware that I can only jump out of the way so fast, please drop me a message….

Photobucket

Sunday 1 November 2009

Springtime for Hitler in Pattaya

As I arrived in Pattaya last week I discovered that these was a bit of controversy regarding the latest “tourist attraction” .

On Sukumviht Road, a number of billboards had been erected advertising the arrival of “Loius Tussaud’s” new Waxwork museum. Featuring Bruce Lee, Michael Jackson and more memorably, Adolf Hitler, each hoarding was emblazoned with the name of the deceased and “is not dead” Bear in mind that this message was in Thai, not English.

Photobucket

Fair enough, but, while Bruce and Michael had no problems, old Adolf however had a storm brewing over his upraised arm. The busybodies in the world soon let everyone know exactly what the translation was and “boom” moral outrage soon rained down on the hapless museum management.

The Bangkok Post newspaper quoted German Ambassador Hanns Schumacher as saying he told officials in Pattaya, “this kind of utterly tasteless advertisement would hurt the feelings of many people” and asked that the billboard be taken down.

Israeli Ambassador Itzhak Shoham also was quoted saying he requested the same. “It is totally unacceptable to have such a monster like Adolf Hitler on public display,” he told the Post. “How this could happen is beyond my understanding and comprehension.”

It has to be recognised that the use of Nazi imagery has not got the same emotional impact in South East Asia as it does in Jerusalem and Berlin, in fact, the Thai’s have used swastika’s, images of Hitler and even allowed a Nazi Bar to be opened in Bangkok. (The walls of which were adorned with pictures of storm troopers and waiters dressed in jack boots with Nazi armbands.)

Probably the best was an add campaign for crisps had Hitler giving a Nazi salute and then showed a Thai woman who cast a spell on him as he ate the salted morsels, hoping to change his evil ways. A Nazi swastika morphed into the product logo as the transformation was complete.

That advert did not last long. The Nazi Bar had to change it’s name to “No Name Bar” after the wrath of anti Semitism got involved. And what of the Waxworks… although they apologised it seems that the exposure that Adolf gave them worldwide was worth far more than the original advertising campaign originally envisaged.

Photobucket

I wonder if the whole thing had been planned that way?

Tuesday 13 October 2009

One step forward, two steps backward! A "Touching Story"

Laws are in place, Child Protection is among the governments main concerns and despite years of progress Indonesia once again proves that "it don't mean shit"!

As reported in the Jakarta Globe today!

A Central Java court on Tuesday threw out child abuse charges against self-proclaimed Islamic cleric Sheikh Puji over his marriage to a 12-year-old girl.

Ungaran District Court Chief Judge Hari Mulyanto delivered a preliminary ruling in the case stating that the “indictment regarding sexual intercourse is invalid because it is inaccurate, unclear and incomplete.”

A preliminary ruling decides whether a case has met all the requirements to proceed to trial. An inaccurate, unclear and incomplete indictment is sufficient grounds to drop a case.

Hari said the prosecution had failed to detail how and when the defendant had committed the acts for which he had been accused.

Novel Al Bakrie, a member of the defense team, claimed that the 12-year-old girl, who became Puji’s second wife in August 2008, was “not a victim” and that she “loves” Puji.

Puji, 43, whose real name is Pujiantocahyo Widianto, was charged under the Child Protection Law for allegedly “persuading a child to have sex and/or taking advantage of a person’s economic condition for his or her own benefit,” and under the 1974 Marriage Law for marrying a minor.

Prosecutors said they would refile the charges but did not say when this would happen.

Now, the way I see it is that the normal procedure would be to have Social Services (such as they are here), the Police (along with child welfare trained officers) investigate to ensure compliance both the with the National Child Protection Law as well as the four principles of the UN’s Convention on the Rights of the Child which Indonesia has signed.

In a nutshell these are:

1) Non-discrimination.
2) Best interests of the child.
3) The right to live, grow and develop.
4) The right to participate.

So, theoretically although legal protection from exploitation, violence and abuse is in place the onus is now on the Police and Prosecutor to ensure that the case filed which accuses sexual intercourse with a minor must be accurate, clear and complete. In this case, it appears that the hymen stained bedsheet (preferably signed and dated) is required as evidence before the judges would commit to a full trial. It is also worth noting that the Sheik was assisted in this case by a Lawyer who includes Tommy Suharto, (the former president's son)among his clients, thus, it seem's that the big guns were out on display here. (Wonder how much that cost?)

Emm, Err WTF!

Sheik Puji however has a substantial local following, which is thankfully not supported by the moderate Muslim Clerics in Central Java who basically claim that he is a charlatan with no formal religious training and should not be allowed to run the schools he does as he is not recognised in any formal sense as a cleric.

Did the girl's family help, emm, err, not a chance! The Child's father was arrested on charges of "selling his daughter" but suffered a convenient mental breakdown prohibiting him from testifying.His defence was that she had reached puberty and the Koran allows him to accept any proposal for marriage that he deems acceptable.

So there you have it....either a hurdle on the road to full child protection or a dangerous precedent which could set the country back decades!

I know which one I hope it is!

Saturday 3 October 2009

What can your government do for you?

Taken from today's Jakarta Post online. Not bad considering they had only been on the job for less than 48 hours after inauguration. The new laws that are to be ratified over the next few years should be interesting!

Photobucket

Wednesday 30 September 2009

Shake Rattle and Roll

Earthquake season is upon us, three earthquakes in two days in Sumatra with sceptics starting to say that a "biggie" is on it's way! Meanwhile in Sulawesi two earthquakes struck yesterday.

On Wednesday September the 2nd a large 7.3-magnitude earthquake struck West Java, this one caused quite a panic in Jakarta and was quickly followed by two aftershocks, measuring 5.1 and 5.4 within a few hours.

I had been in a watering hole in Kemang (a fashionable suburb of Jakarta as I am told) and never having encountered an earthquake before was at first unsure what was going on.

Was this the fabled flash-backs that Timothy Leary had written about, after effects from 30 years ago while experimenting with psychedelic's, apparently not when I realised that the pictures on the walls were swaying and the floor below me felt like jelly.

Out in the carpark, watching a building site next door I saw the guy from the tower crane which was about 14 stories high perform the quickest emergency evacuation ever while the 6 tons of counterweight on the cranes jib moved dangerously from side to side.

Realising through simple trigonometry that where I was standing was just about where the crane would fall if it were to let loose I decided that perhaps I was safer indoors with a beer rather than exposed to danger in the car park.

Photobucket

Yesterday's quake in Padang is thought to have killed over a thousand people, but, as has been demonstrated before, this initial number is likely to increase exponentially due to the difficulties in assessing exactly how many people live in any given area.

I really don't think my tinfoil hat will protect me when the next one shakes up on us!

Terrorist my arse!

I don't know why, but, it seems that the government needed to de-construct the myths surrounding Noordin Top, the terrorist mastermind who was killed during a raid in Central Java last month.

Obviously Forensic Scientists were obliged to study the body to ensure that it was in fact him who had been shot, but the latest news has made me question how far a forensic examination will go in search of the truth.

Here is the report!

“There is an anomaly in Noordin’s anus because it is shaped like a funnel,” said Mun’im Idris, a forensic pathologist from the University of Indonesia. “It indicated that somebody had sodomized him.”

Mun’im was part of the team of experts that conducted the autopsy on the body of Noordin, a Malaysian-born terrorist sought for a string of attacks carried out across the country in the name of Islam.

It is unclear why Mun’im released the information. A photograph was released to substantiate this information.

Photobucket

It appears that this information has caused speculation on Noordin’s “sexual deviance” and it is also thought that there may be a backlash from supporters and extremists within the Muslim community that supported Noordin and his supporters. (I am currently smirking trying to imagine what their protest banners may look like.)

Separately, a national Police spokesman said he had no information about the allegations.

“I haven’t received the report about the anomaly on Noordin’s body because it is not a part of the investigation, however, we always knew he was an arsehole”

It now brings into question as to whether he had met a former Prime Minister while he lived in Malaysia. State sponsored terrorism anyone?

Thursday 27 August 2009

When is a chicken not a chicken.

The Bugils Group owns a number of good bars here in Jakarta and truth be told I frequent two of them on a regular basis.

I am apparently well known in De Hooi and Eastern Promise, an irregular visitor to Cazbar but, unknown in the One Tree bar in Block M.

Block M, or more specifically Jalan Faletehan, the street One Tree Bar and many others are situated in has a reputation for friendliness which can be purchased, the purveyors of such affection are known as "Ayam" (Chickens) and they contribute a great deal to the street's popularity.

One Tree Bar has until now been Ayam free but, it appears that may no longer be the case. The bars latest promotion had me scratching my head......

Photobucket

However, in fairness they do operate under an equal opportunities programme which forbids sexual discrimination. I am sure that Monday nights in One Tree must be a delight for us straights and rugmunchers alike!

Photobucket

Wednesday 26 August 2009

Poaching for beginners

Photobucket

Poaching has never been so easy. No need to get into the jungle, set traps, avoid conservation officers or any of the real “poaching stuff” .

The new method is simple, a bit like buying a TV Dinner instead of cooking, the cunning plan, get your animal fresh from the zoo.

Police in the believe that it was an inside job questioned the vet and five other workers from the Taman Rimbo zoo in the town of Jambi in Sumatra after its Sumatran tiger was killed early on Saturday.

Detectives suspected the thieves poisoned the female tiger, and slaughtered her in the wee hours when the zoo was almost unguarded.

The police found remnants of meat bait that contained anaesthetics and intestinal parts of the protected animal in her cage. It was also thought that the tigress did not attack as she knew the intruders.

It appears that the cage had been left unlocked to allow zoo workers to feed the tiger, which had been settled in the zoo for 20 years since its birth at Ragunan zoo in Jakarta.

Obviously the recession is biting deep in Sumatra......

Burn Baby Burn

Last week in Sumatra it appears that hundreds of people rallied and burned down tens of houses in a red light district in Pelalawan, as part of a vigilante style anti-vice campaign ahead of Ramadan.

Police apparently stood by and stated that they could not stop the crowd from damaging the properties.

The Jakarta Globe reported…

Earlier, residents living around the red light district had demanded its closure, but their request was ignored, which led them to take the law into their own hands.

Initially, people were only vandalizing property in the area, but then some began setting fire to the dwellings. The fire spread quickly as most of the homes were made of wood.

The tenants in the houses attempted to extinguish the blaze and limit the damage to property, but it was too large.

“The people have long warned red light district operators to stop their activities but the warnings were ignored. This is the result of their arrogance,” said the third chairman of the local chapter of the Council of Ulema.
(Pardon me but the use of the word arrogance is questionable here)

He said the red light activities in the area had been going on for decades and its presence had made the local community feel uncomfortable. It was also hurting the morality of the younger generation, he added.

Bit heavy handed but it seems that if you are moral enough, mob rule overcomes Law and Order.

All it amounts to is that the former customers will be deprived off (see photo below) for a while…..

Photobucket

There is something so very wrong about this!

Captured at a mosque presumed to be in Bandung...I wonder if he knew what his tee shirt implied!

Photobucket

Photobucket

Another WTF moment! (Thanks to Geoff for the heads up on this one)

It Beggars belief!

Sit at any traffic light in Jakarta and within seconds there will be the sound of grains of rice in a water bottle being rattled outside the car window. The beggars are everywhere and despite begging being illegal, it seems the city authorities are powerless in the matter.
However, with Ramadan on hand, the city fathers have ordered a “clampdown on the surge of beggars who flock to capital” during the holy momth.
One official went on record to state:
“On the second day of fasting [Sunday], there were 200 beggars caught in five municipalities,” he said. “This is part of the bylaw enforcement that aims to anticipate the sudden surge in the number of beggars during the fasting month.” 

It has been claimed that that in 2008, there were 7,000 beggars caught in raids during Ramadan. Around 5,000 were placed in social shelters, about 1,100 were sent home and the rest were taken back by their families. 
Photobucket
Under the 2007 bylaw on public order, the city administration bans people from giving money to beggars. It advises the public to channel their alms instead to trusted aid organizations. The bylaw regulates that giving money to beggars is punishable with six months' imprisonment and maximum fines of Rp 20 million. Those caught receiving alms on the street would be sent to a “Social Institution”  in West Jakarta.
The Social Institution is in essence a short time prison, the arrested beggars would sometimes be in the same cells as other petty criminals. Report’s have been made that Public Order Officials locked up a wide range of people, from 3-in-1 jockeys who used to be thugs, to homeless people and sex workers.
The Jakarta Post ran an editorial in June which contained the following quote!
While rules against violators of public order are supposed to be indiscriminate, what catches our attention are most often arrests of roadside vendors, traffic "jockeys", sex workers, squatters or beggars - coincidentally, it seems, all members of the urban poor.
Public order officials have thus earned little respect in their efforts, behaving like thugs in uniforms. A public outcry followed the recent death of a sex worker in Tangerang (just west of the capital) who jumped into a river to avoid a raid. And the latest uproar followed a raid on vendors in Surabaya during which a pot of boiling water belonging to a noodle vendor was overturned, fatally scalding the vendor's infant child.
Despite angry calls to dismantle the entire institution of public order, Jakarta Governor Fauzi Bowo says it is still needed, to help uphold city rules.
There are however moments of amusement. A few years ago a raid on beggars at the Istiqlal Mosque in Central Jakarta, turned ugly when dozens of people inside the mosque chased the officers away, hurling plastic bottles and chairs at them. Seeing the public order officers approaching the mosque at about 11:30 p.m., many of the beggars ran inside the mosque.
This interrupted a Koran reading, the participants of which thought the officers had come to check their identity cards. The participants put down their Korans and gave chase to the officers.
It seems this year that the city is serious, I’ll keep my camera in the hope of seeing a mob of the faithful in full flight after the city officials……….. 

Presumed Not Guilty (At least by a photograph)

I know that much of the stuff I post avoids political issues and as yet I have not commented on what is either a political "framing" or a "crime of passion", but, something in the Jakarta Globe yesterday made me smile wryly.


For those who are not within Indonesia the suspended antigraft agency chairman Antasari Azhar is reputed to have ordered the murder of another state firm executive called Nasrudin Zulkarnaen apparently over a love triangle between them and a rather tasy looking "Golf caddy" who was the victims third wife.


It has also been suggested that blackmail may have been an additional motive with the dead man using the romance as a lever to prevent his own company being investigated for corruption.


Yesterdays Jakarta Globe rand a story yesterday with the opening lines as follows:


"Antasari was suspended in May from the KPK and on Tuesday was handed over by police to prosecutors, a sign that his trial is imminent


Antasari Azhar returned to the South Jakarta Prosecutor’s Office on Tuesday — not in his former role as head of the office but instead as the suspected mastermind of a murder, a charge that carries a maximum sentence of death. 

Despite being under police escort, the 56-year-old looked calm as he entered the office, where he held the top job until 2007, greeting several prosecutors who used to be his subordinates."



Now, this is where my wry smile came in! Look at the picture below and ask yourself, does it look as though the prosecutor is really going to go after the accused?


Photobucket


Looks more to me, looking at the body language that the outcome has been predetermined!


Another case of "I'm all right Jack" in my opinion. Place your bets please.......

Sunday 2 August 2009

On doing F*ck all

It's that time of the year again, an opportunity to get back to the house and do absolutely nothing. After all the shit in Jakarta during July I really thought I'd better get my head down and clear my desk up to ensure nothing would linger and haunt me during my vacation.

I managed to achieve this and last Friday used a chunk of airmiles to upgrade my economy class ticket to a business return and buggered of to Thailand where I am now typing from the garden and looking forward to two weeks of virtually nothing.

Ice cold beers, shorts and flip flops, great roadside food and a huge sense of "smug" are the order of the day for the foreseeable future. I reckon the only thing that would piss me off is if Krakatoa blew the big one and I was not there.......

Later!

Friday 17 July 2009

BOOM.......BOOM

A device is activated, people run out onto the street where two minutes later a second device ignites.
Baghdad it is not. The Jakarta Post headline screams
Photobucket
Photobucket
Approximately fifty people injured and nine dead….. In the name of what?
To the outside world, Indonesia with its predominately Muslim population is just another country where terrorist attacks are commonplace and a deep rooted hostility to the western world constantly bubbles under the thin veneer of smiles seen on the people’s faces.
Nothing could be further from the truth!
Photobucket
In the 4-1/2 years I have been here, despite my occasional cynical views, I have discovered how truly sincere these smiles can be. From the children flying homemade kites, the people on the side streets playing badminton on a makeshift court, the cash register girl at the supermarket, the parkir stopping the traffic so one can ease their car out to join the traffic melee, the Kembali Kasih (you’re welcome) from the restaurant staff at the Marriot for last Sundays brunch, all of these smiles are genuine and give one a warm feeling upon receipt.
With so many people struggling to get by and still finding time to smile while doing so, the nation and its population demonstrate a resilience which I am sure you will not find in many more developed countries.
In attacking Indonesia’s economy through five star hotels the terrorists also attacked a nation and its people. As always, the number of foreigners involved was small compared to the number of their own countrymen and women.
Photobucket
Yesterdays blasts also made me aware of the relatively close knit expat community here when I realised that I knew two of the injured personally and that two of my best friends here had lost work associates with the deaths of Tim McKay and Nathan Verity.
I don’t know how many degrees of separation that amounts to but watching the reactions of my two friends I realised that in the city and villages throughout the nation many more Indonesians were feeling the same way.
Not much more I can add here, I’m still a bit overwhelmed by the events and feel more Indonesian than Scottish. A strange empathy with all of the community and the victims of this latest outrage sits heavy on my chest at the moment.

Saturday 4 July 2009

Saying it "Sing" Style

Notorious for banning things, Singapore got it hugely wrong with this advertising classic....

Photobucket

Have you been "Rimmed" recently?

Photobucket

Apparently, if you want to sell a handphone within Indonesia it is the responsibility of the manufacturer to have a Service centre in country to ensure it's repair when it inevitably malfunctions.

Last month, Research In Motion (RIM) manufacturers of the Blackberry fell foul of the Ministry of Communications and Information Technology who slapped the Canadian Company with a ban on the sale of new devices. this was achieved by the Ministry ceasing to issue licenses for new Blackberry handsets.

A
s of this week ,Research in Motion, had not yet opened after- sales offices in Indonesia as stipulated in a 2008 ministerial decree on the IT community. The regulation states that all phone producers must open an after-sales office when they begin selling products in the country. 

Many in the Industry are while aware of the reason for this action are concerned abut the timing. 

Meanwhile, the Indonesian Telecommunication and Information Community (Mastel), a nonprofit organization representing the IT sector, questioned the timing of the regulation’s enforcement. “If we look at it from a regulatory perspective, then what the ministry has done is the right thing, but why now?” said Maswidyantoro, Mastel’s chairman. 

Ironically, this ban coincides with NOKIA unveiling their new N97 in country shortly ... now many are wondering if there could possibly be a connection? 

It is after all Indonesia, anything can happen......

Wednesday 17 June 2009

He who laughs last, laughs longest!

 Photobucket

In 2005, security forces won a famous victory with the capture and death of Azahari Husin, a highly sought Islamic terrorist who was involved in a number of attacks within Indonesia. Considered a technical genius, he was thought to have been the brains behind the Bali Bombing in 2002, the bombing of the JW Marriot and the Australian Embassy in Jakarta.

When captured, an inventory of homemade explosive devices was also captured and subsequently moved to a blast-proof strong room under the control of Indonesia’s elite Police Mobile Brigade on the outskirts of Jakarta. 

As is the way of all thing’s here, the “explosion proof status” of the property was fully exposed when yesterday morning at around 2am the Emm, Err, strong-room exploded.
The blast was believed to have been caused by an electrical short circuit which then triggered a series of detonations with the noise being heard up-to five kilometers away ans the special forces families being forced to evacuate their homes.
The media reported as follows:
Three fire engines and two Brimob water canons took 85 minutes to control the blaze. No casualties were reported. 

National Police Chief Gen. Bambang Hendarso Danuri, speaking to journalists after the explosions, said the blast occurred in a “simulation” storehouse measuring 5 meters by 20 meters, not in an ammunition dump. 

He claimed that the explosion came “from low explosive material and firecrackers.” 

However, a Brimob member who spoke to the Jakarta Globe on the condition of anonymity, said the storehouse was used to house mortars and a number of home-made bombs seized during the raid on Azahari’s hideout in 2005 and a number of other terrorist devices found during the capture of fellow Jemaah Islamiyah member Abu Dujana in 2007 . 

He said police had not disposed of the bombs because they were used to study how terrorists constructed their devices. 

I’m sure that Azahari, sitting in his little bit of hell must be pissing himself laughing at the final bombing mission which he did not plan was probably one of his better efforts!

Bridging Loan anyone?

Photobucket
Touted by the government as an important step in infrastructural development, the Suramadu Bridge, almost 5-1/2” kilometers long was opened last week by Indonesia’s president.
It did not take long for the word to get out that this bridge served a dual purpose, not only does it link Java to the island of Madura, it also serves as a smorgasboard type buffet for scrap dealers. So far 42 maintenance lamps, assorted nuts and bolts and quite possibly some suspension cable has been nicked from the bridge! 

The bridge had been built by a Chinese contractor and this quote appeared in the Jakarta Globe, who strangely added an amusing little twist in the tale.
“The contractor also reported that hardware had been stolen from railings on the bridge, and signs of cutting were found on some of the cables supporting the bridge’s main span. 

“These are acts of vandalism. The thief could be from anywhere, from Madura or even from Java,”

The Globe added this little gem: He did not elaborate, but a commonly held stereotype of Madurese is that many of them make a living by collecting and selling scrap metal. 

Brilliant, the Globe stopped just short of claiming that the Madurese are pikey scrap dealers, who are now eyeing the bridge as rich pickings.
Rather more amusingly, this does not appear to be uncommon. A spokesman for Jasa Marga, (the company which is currently operating the bridge (as well as most of Java’s Toll Roads) carried on with information on pilfering, specifically traffic signs.
“We already know the season when people steal these aluminium traffic signs, which are then used to produce computer casings or even cooking pots,” he said. 

At certain times of the year, aluminum traffic signs are replaced with ones made of plywood, and switched back again once the peak selling season has passed, he said.
As they say, watch this space, it took years to construct this new technical marvel, but, it looks like the locals may be able to deconstruct it in a much shorter timescale!

Thursday 4 June 2009

E-Mail Errors and open mouth to change foot

I have a few friends who live in conditions that I can only describe as being similar to that of the famous “Young Ones” of BBC TV Fame.

Normally well adjusted, they all have extremely creative writing skills and are well known for practical jokes, each one becoming more elaborate than the last.

I received this from one of the household regarding the rent ….as soon as I read it I started to cringe, and I agree, faux- pas of the highest order took place and the writer, Mr South African Guy should be decorated in honour of this monumental fuck up!

Shared with his permission is the whole story! Names have been changed in order to protect the innocent. (One other little detail was also changed, but, even I would not print what was originally written)

So I've just made one of my biggest faux-pas's ever. I could just crawl under a rock and stay there forever.

Some background: My housemates were Dutch Guy, English Guy and & Kiwi Guy.  Kiwi Guy recently got married, moved out, and in moved Irish Guy. Mr Indo Guy is the owner of our house, our landlord. It is rent time so Mr Indo Guy sent a reminder to Kiwi Guy, who having moved out, forwarded it to English Guy. English Guy replied to Mr Indo Guy and cc'd us other housemates. Here is English Guy's reply::::

Hello Mr Indo Guy,
This is Mr. English Guy from the house. OK we're ready to make the payment now but just to inform you that Mr. Kiwi Guy has moved out now (he's got married!). Our new friend Mr. Irish Guy has moved in in his place. This is my e-mail address boss! I hope you had a nice time in the USA. Could you forward the account number that we should pay into Sir? 
Thanks a lot,
Mr. English Guy

Having it read this, and with too much time on my hands, I wrote back a rather naughty spoof email which I sent (I thought) to my fellow housemates. Unfortunately, I accidentally included Mr Indo Guy's email address also and so the following email was received not only by my housemates but by Mr Indo Guy himself:

Ok Mr Indo Guy. I think it's time to set a few things straight. First of all, you can shove your smug, condescending attitude right up the brown hole it came from. 

Just because your favourite housemate, Kiwi Guy has moved out, that is no reason to refer to us as a "ship without a rudder" or an "uninspired, leaderless bunch of shits".

I shall remind you that Mr Kiwi Guy was responsible for many of the woes that we have experienced as a household unit. I would go further and say that Dutch Guy (the tall one) has done more to aid the cohesiveness of our (your??) home. He routinely sorts out the bills, attends to any repairs, and swims naked in the pool to test its acidity with his super-sensitive penis.

Why you assume English Guy is "the natural successor to Kiwi Guy as house leader" confuses me. Perhaps his ownership of the only car in the house lends him an air of authority. Let me tell you though, Mr English Guy is NO Kiwi Guy.

I'm the first to agree with you that "that South African Guy” or something is an unfriendly, cowardly cnut who hides in his room whenever my wife and I pop in". True, but you don't see what goes on behind the scenes. I, for example, am the only house member who openly fondles our *pembantu  while she is asleep.

So fuck off Mr Indo Guy. The last straw was calling our newest house friend, Mr Irish Guy,  a "riverdancing leprechaun of a specimen" , "thicker than the average Indonesian".

Mr Irish Guy, for your knowledge, regularly presents cerebral general knowledge quizzes about Irish band U2.

So Mr Indo Guy, to sum up. You can suck Dutch Guy's bulbous member if you think you're going to get the rent money displaying your current attitude. Come back down to earth, bring your snooty wife with you, and then we can negotiate.

Regards
Mr South African Guy

*pembantu=maid

Oh MY !!!!!!!!! Don't know where to put myself....Here is Mr Indo Guy's next email::::

Hello guys,

So much amused, but sorry, I cannot reciprocate Mr South African Guy's good sense of humour. With thanks in advance, English Guy, you can send the sum to XXXXXXXXXX, A/C No. XXXXXXXX, Bank Mandiri

Mr Indo Guy

Guess it's time to start working on the apology but i'm not sure where to start.!!!!! What an idiot :(

Classic Stuff, I cringed all the way through…. I await with bated breath the next instalment from the house of horrors!

Friday 29 May 2009

Marketing - Indo Style

Just when I thought...

Yup, I've said it before but, Indonesian marketing tactics often leave a lot more questions to be answered than in the west.

Take these guys......

Photobucket


.I always considered Strepsils as medicine, however, it seems that they are trying to preserve their market. Keep a smoker smoking and he will continually need medication for his sore throat! Ah..Indonesia strikes again





Thursday 28 May 2009

The Country that Cares

That's it, just as I was almost convinced that thing's were settling down and calmness had re-entered the parliament, news of the latest fuckwittery hit the streets!

Jakarta is not renowned for being pedestrian friendly, in fact the pavements are normally understood to be an overspill for motorbikes and food vendors. The initiative that has been most discussed recently has been road safety and clearing the pavements of hazards and much emphasis on this subject has been made in the media.

Not to be left out, the parliament  came up with this "doosie" which further undermines their credibility..... 

"Disabled pedestrians in Indonesia are required to wear signs identifying them as handicapped under new traffic regulations passed unanimously by parliament.

Amendments to the Traffic and Transport Law passed today state "handicapped pedestrians must wear special and clear signs which can be easily recognised by other road users".

The lawmaker in charge of the committee which drafted the amendments, Ahmad Muqowam of the Islam-based United Development Party, said they were designed to protect disabled people from road accidents.

"This is a humanistic act. It's for their safety on the streets," he said.

Asked what the signs should read or where people should wear them, he said this was up to the Government to decide at a later date.

"All technical things will be explained later in Government regulations," he said.

"They won't be penalised if they flout the rule; it's only a precaution for their safety," he added.

Photobucket

I no longer know whether to laugh or cry, the fact that legislation like this can be passed at such a high level worries me intensely. 

As an afterthought, why don't they pass a law that ensures the Lawmakers are obliged to wear signs with their IQ level clearly marked... at least one would know who to blame for the next set of nonsensical rules that they approve!

Saturday 23 May 2009

Sinful Social Networking (The Poke stops here)


They are at it again!
The Nahdlatul Ulama (NU) possibly the most influential bunch of f*ckwits in the country have once again called for a ban on - wait for it - Facebook
An NU spokesman Abdul Muid Shohib said:
"Communication using mobile phones was prone to adultery, especially between the sexes."
So, it seems that adultery with the same sex seems less pernicious,  or is that me just jumping to the wrong conclusion.
He continues.... various quotes here were published by the Jakarta Post.
"The only communication allowed between different sexes is that which spreads Islamic teachings, he said.
"We have banned social networking such as Facebook, Friendster and others because they are not used to spread Islamic teachings, but for gossiping," 
"The edict is to warn Indonesian Muslims, because many of them including our students are using Facebook and Friendster. We are very concerned that cyber pornography is infiltrating these networks."
"If nothing changes in a month, we'll demand the government block access to Facebook, Friendster and other networks."
Ironically, the Big Brother of the NU, also prone to issuing nonsensical edicts, the Indonesian Ulema Council (MUI) were asked about the same issue and their influential East Java head Abdussomad Buchori acknowledged he had no idea about online social networking, but would support the edict if it prevented adultery.
"The MUI would never ban Internet use provided it is for learning or information seeking purposes."
This kind of posturing both amuses and annoy's me in equal measure. These are the same people who have made statements such as:
On Homosexuality...
"It's a curable disorder. There have been many cases where homosexuals have realized what they did was wrong and became heterosexuals again. It's something that can be fought off."

On female Circumcision:
"said that his august organisation had no problems with female circumcision, because it was a duty for Muslims, was safe and did not cause any health problems for those who underwent it."

On Anti-Sin legislation
"would be along the lines of similar laws in Tangerang but more comprehensive, covering all sorts of sinful activities that Jakartans are prone to indulging in."

On Yoga:
“If there is chanting incorporated in the exercise, that needs to be looked into as it is syirik (against the religion) when a Muslim worships gods other than Allah,”

Keep's getting better and better here, cannot wait for whats next!


Photobucket

Saturday 16 May 2009

Crisis? What Crisis? We are Baduy!

A friend of mine (Hello Rick) is one of those (at least in my mind) odd ball chaps who fucks off cycling through jungles for the weekend. He plans his trips meticulously and tracks the routes with his GPS which then renders everything onto Google Maps displaying the journey and terrain.

Revcently over a beer in the famed De Hooi (everything sort of goes pear shaped after a few in there) he told me about a relatively stone age tribe living less than 100 miles from Jakarta.

Intrigued, I started to read up about them and discovered this article on the net, unfortunately I have forgotten where, but I wont put the usual spin on it....better posted as is!  (Whoever it was that wrote it, my apologies for not being able to give you full credit)
Photobucket



An animistic tribe dwelling high in the abundant hills of western Java lives oblivious to the world economic crisis. Estimated to include somewhere between 5,000-8,000 people, the Baduy are an anomaly. While their tribal lands are located only 75 miles from the Indonesian capital of Jakarta, the Baduy live in almost total seclusion from the modern world, observing customs that forbid soap, wearing shoes and driving vehicles.


Villagers stare blankly when asked about world events. 


"I don't understand about any crisis," a young mother named Salina told Reuters, when asked about the economic turmoil that has caused the rupiah to lose nearly a quarter of its value this year.


Within a 20 square mile area in the shadow of Mt. Kendeng, the Baduy people cling to their reclusive lifestyle despite the temptations of the modern world that so closely surrounds them.


Although their origin is unknown, some anthropologists believe the Baduy are descendents of the West Java Hindu kingdom of Pajajaran, and fled to the limestone hills where they now live after resisting conversion to Islam in the 16th century.


The Baduy, along with many others in western Java, speak an archaic version of Sudanese. Their beliefs are a blend of ancient Hinduism and animism. The tribe believes their homeland of Pancer Bumi is the center of the world, and that they were the first people on the planet who must follow stringent rules to prevent disaster from striking.


Renowned for their mystical powers, Baduy leaders, known as pu'un, conduct rituals in a clandestine place called Arca Domas.  The secret spot is surrounded by megaliths to please ancestral spirits and gods.


Photobucket


While their way of life appears primitive, experts who have studied the tribe’s farming methods say they are well adjusted to their environment. For instance, metal hoes are forbidden when cultivating rice in order to prevent soil erosion.


Nevertheless, the strict rules under which the Baduy live often seem to make their lives hard.  Among the things forbidden are glass, alcohol, footwear, formal education, diverting water and rearing four-legged animals.


"There is no education. Going to the field is an education for them," said University of Indonesia anthropologist Boedhihartono, who has studied the Baduy for years.


Their society is divided into an outer zone of villages and an inner area of just three villages. Those who break the rules are banished to the outer region and must wear black, while the roughly 40 families in the sacred inner zone dress in white and follow the Baduy traditions much more strictly.


Reaching the Baduy requires hard trekking along slippery routes in plunging valleys.  Foreigners are permitted to visit the outer zone for up to a few nights, and must sleep on bamboo mats in villages pitch black at night due to a lack of power.  It is close to impossible for non-Indonesians to visit the inner villages.


Photobucket


The outer area acts as a buffer zone, with inner zone leaders sometimes paying surprise visits to ensure their outer zone compatriots are not breaking the rules. Radios and other items deemed as modern world pollutants are sometimes confiscated.


The villages are tranquil habitats, suffering none of the noise and pollution from motorbikes and buses common in most parts of Indonesia.


However, it is difficult to maintain isolation from the modern world, and the use of forbidden money has sometimes replaced bartering with the outside world.


Baduy in the outer zone sell sarongs and also travel to neighboring towns to sell honey and palm sugar. The cash is then used to purchase salted fish and other items the Baduy can't make themselves.


"Even in the center they already know money," said Boedhihartono, who has developed a friendship with the tribe over the years.


He keeps a room free at his Jakarta home for occasions when the Baduy, who are forbidden from using transport, make unannounced visits after a three-day bare-foot trek.


Boedhihartono said the Baduy do not have much knowledge of the outside world, “except if they come to my house they watch the TV."


Although the Baduy are supposed to shun modern medicine, Boedhihartono said antibiotics had helped sharply increase the number of Baduy.


The main threats the tribe faces are from outsiders trying to plunder their land, he said, and proselytizing by some Muslim groups.


The Baduy have not been immune to all outside influences, such as circumcision, which is in keeping with local Muslim practices.


Historically, the Baduy have been left to their own devices by colonizers from the Dutch to the Japanese, although authorities have at times tried to include the tribe in mainstream society.


When Indonesia's long-time powerful president Suharto tried to impose development on the Baduy during the 1980s, the tribe sent an emissary to plead to be left alone.  A deeply superstitious man with a weakness for Javanese mysticism, Suharto conceded and made arrangements for the Baduy to establish their own territory to protect them from outside influence.


 My personal opinion here is that it's a shame that these people probably will lose their cultural identity, but, it was sort of mind boggling to discover that this was virtualy on my back door step. 

Indonesia never fails to surprise me.!!!