Wednesday 13 December 2006

Stop Smoking - The Scottish Way!

Smokers trying to quit the habit were mistakenly prescribed anti-impotence drug Viagra by doctors. NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde said the error was due to a computer glitch at two city GP practices.

When GPs selected anti-smoking pill Zyban, computers selected sildenafil, the generic name for Viagra. The e-Formulary computer system used by GPs automatically selects a list of the most popular drugs when doctors fill out prescriptions.

Some patients went to the pharmacy with a prescription for the anti-impotence drug instead of tablets to help them stop smoking. The health board was made aware of the problem on Tuesday and alerted all its GPs to the problem.

A health board spokeswoman said: "A computer glitch was discovered by two Glasgow GP practices that use the Glasgow e-Formulary, following a recent update of the online GPass system used throughout Scotland.

"A member of the public caught up in the issue stated that he knew something was wrong when every time he felt like a cigarette he had to nip off for a quick wank instead"

GP's are reviewing clinical trials in case a medical breakthrough has been made!

Saturday 9 December 2006

T Shirt!


Indonesians love T Shirt's, but often do not know what the English words actually mean!
Spotted in Kemang!

Genuine Antiques


Here are some that were made last week!

Sunset in South Jakarta


There are some pleasant moments!

Motorbike breakdown


If it wont start, dont worry, get a mate to give you a "toe"
If you look at the picture, the guy on the second bike has his "toe" hooked onto the bike in front.
These guys were doing about 50 kph using this all too common breakdown service system!

Hard Work


Street vendors are mostly mobile, selling Soup, Noodles, and other "stuff" you dont want to know about!
As this guy knows, its not all plain sailing!

Rules of the Road


There are none! Buses in particular fragrantly break the law!
If caught, just pay the copper!

Public Transport


Even though they are cramped and crowded, riding the bus may not be as bad as one thinks....he seems happy enough!

Have a break


Due to the amount of construction / repair work needing done on Jakartan houses, small builders supply stores abound!
These guys were doing what they do best-shooting the shit!

The Bermuda


Its an up market resturaunt, specialising in Indo food!
Never been in but looks great from the outside!

On the way home last night


Dont know how they do it! Guaranteed one a day!

There are times....


When getting around can be quite pleasant.
This is in Cipete at about 6 o'clock at night!

Female Chit Chat


Never stops, even on the back of an Ojek!

Getting Home from Work


Is getting worse! The number of motorbikes on the roads is increasing daily and the cities arteries are getting clogged with these two wheelers under the control of the intelligence challenged owners

And worserer!

Security Point


As I see it you can either roll the car window down or show your knob end!

An accident waiting to happen!


The roads are full of this shit!
This guy was travelling at about 120 kph with the badly stacked gas bottles just waiting for the smallest bump to go flying!

Prime business location!


To be honest, most small business in Jakarta is street side, with the entrepenurial spirit being displayed on each and every road in town!

Or like this!

Jakpunk


This pair had jumped off a bus where they apparently had tried a bit of thievery and failed! Many punks get persecuted due to the actions of a few, the majority of them are purely into the music and lifestyle without the crime.. I fear it will come to a head one day!

Once you leave the city...


It all starts to get a little cleaner! For the first time since I arrived in Indonesia I found a river which was not full of shit!
Having said that, I wouldn't either bathe in it nor drink it!

Friday 8 December 2006

Updates

I know I've been a lazy bastard! It doesn't take much to update, but I still just did not get around to it!

Accordingly, I've posted a fair bit this time. Some of it is a bit old, but, at least I got around to it!

The Template has been changed a bit, nothing major but it will help for navigating through the archives.

As always, feel free to comment,,,,,,,,,although no fucker ever does!

The Religous Right


Indonesia has a group of fuckwits known as the FPI, the translation of which is basically "Islamic Thugs who can do no wrong!"
They proved their strength recently with a rally in downtown Jakarta!

Apparently this time they were protesting about the treatment of Palestinians by the Israeli's!

Needless to say there were no police about!

Latest Peugot hits the road


Says it all....click for bigness

Hard Work


There's no such thing as easy money for most Indonesians

More Hard Work


Rather him than me!
Refuse collection in Jakarta is back breaking work.

A Family Trip


Dad bought a new car and took us to the big city!

Accident Time


Its an everyday occurence!


And another

How to make (another) traffic jam!


Easy, set the camera's up on the main road and start filming (illegaly) another episode off one of the many Indonesian Soap Opera's.

Masks for Kids


These childrens masks were for sale during the Kemang Street Festival earlier this year!
The mix of traditional Balinese and Japanese cartoon images were strange and haunting!

Youth & Unemployment


This pair were having at it on Jalan Sri Wijaya in the middle of the afternoon!
Facts and figures on children in the city

The population of children (those under the age of 18) in Jakarta is 2.99 million or some 33 percent of the city's population.
The annual number of registered births in the city averages 125,000, while the annual number of newborns averages 137,000
There are 1,833 kindergartens with 92,850 students, though there are more than 720,000 toddlers.
There are 1.5 million child workers in the city, ranging from child prostitutes to domestic workers.
Some 16,935 children between the ages of 7 and 15 are not in school.
An average of 2,200 children drop out of elementary schools every year, with the highest number reported in West Jakarta.
An average of 2,500 children drop out of junior high schools every year, with the highest number reported in East Jakarta
An average of 1,300 children drop out of senior high schools every year, with the highest number reported in East Jakarta
There are 15,464 neglected children and 7,267 street children in the city, most of whom reside in East Jakarta
There are 133 orphanages and 90 shelters for street children, run mostly by private institutions

Where the streets are so thin!


Although the main roads are heavily congested, the majority of people live down these narrow alleys, only wide enough for a motorbike!
The whole city is strewn with these "Jalan Tikus" literally "Rat Roads" which not many westerners would dare to venture into!

Hip Hop Culture


They start them young in Jakarta!
This pair were getting on down in Cipete Raya....

Parched Paddies


With the late arrival of the rainy season, paddie fields on the outskirts of Jakarta have baked for longer than usual.
Until the rains arrive, the poor farmers can do nothing and ultimately, get much poorer as they have no other means of support!

Until it comes, nothing much will grow!

Still waiting......

Flash cars in monster traffic




A perfect example off how to avoid getting scratches on your new Ferrari...


Love the Number Plate!

Football Hijackers


While the national team may suck, local teams have very large groups of supporter's.
How to get to the stadium, easy, hijack a bus!

Public Transport


Metro buses in Jakarta are not normally considered friendly!
This conductress however proves that this is not always so!

A new trend in fast food!


While the rest of the world debates the use of Trans Fat, Jakarta once again rises to the fore with the new Fast Food franchise.

What is in this truck?



Spotted on the Cikampek Toll road......

New Use for F**ked hard Drive



My effing Hard Drive crashed and had to be replaced.

Got my revenge on the bastard!

MS Paint Porn

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New Security Advice!

While the police were still investigating the motives behind the recent attempted bombing in East Jakarta, and whether the suspect belonged to any radical groups, other regions beefed up security.Towns in Central Java, Bali and Sulawesi dispatched more police personnel to guard shopping malls and housing complexes.

Bomb-torn Bali warned its residents, especially hotel managers, restaurant owners, and people who run entertainment venues and boarding houses, to be more vigilant.

Once again , practical advice from the brown shirted law men was given, only this time it was even more ludicrous than normal."If they sense something suspicious about visitors, they should prevent them from leaving and call the police. And don't hesitate to check on the belongings of newcomers renting a place or a room," Bali Police chief Insp. Gen. Fuckwit was quoted as saying by Antara News..

BRILLIANT.

Shopkeeper 1: “Oh look, that man may have a bomb under his coat”

Shopkeeper 2: “You prevent him from leaving and I’ll get a policeman”

Shopkeeper 1: “Okay-dokey Skip. Excuse me Pak Potential Bomber, I must prevent you from leaving the – OH FUCK - BANG

The most recent attempt was a homemade low-grade explosive, consisting of a pipe filled with gunpowder and buckshot pellets. This was detonated at an A&W restaurant on the mall's ground floor. The city had not seen a bomb blast for three years.

Previously there were nearly annual blasts for the four years following the Philippines Embassy bombing in Menteng, Central Jakarta, in 2000.

Dont you just love it here!

A Blind Eye to Fuel Theft


In North Jakarta there is a racket going on daily. Not drugs, not gambling, not prostitution (although all three do occur there), this one is fuel theft and as scams go this one is off pretty epic proportions.

I watched one kid as he was carefully preparing to draw off some petrol from a stationary tanker when he realized he had the wrong truck: The tank was still full.

A number of men approached, armed with plastic containers. The one leading the way carried a hose and started filling the containers. The group left with five plastic containers holding 100 litres of petrol in total.

An old woman, who watched from the side of the road, seemed satisfied with the outcome and nodded to the driver. The truck proceeded on its way and the driver no doubt would receive his share of the profit later.

After making a delivery and on the way back to the fuel depot, trucks stop some way off to allow the "draining” of the residual load before refilling for another drop. Some individuals , as described above are more blatant and don’t consider draining to be profitable.

Instead they aim for the trucks which are full and take what they want with the full knowledge of the driver. Incidentally, smoking a cigarette while undertaking the “blag” seems to be an acceptable, if not mandatory part of the process.

While children as young as 10 years old chase after speeding trucks for a trickle of fuel, the adults collect fuel the easy way and sell it at street-side stalls. It is a practice that has been going on for decades.

The authorities, it seems, would rather pretend that things that are out of their control, like fuel theft, are not happening. Pertamina acknowledge this problem and appear to consider the practice as part of their operational losses.

The figure is considered very small, up to 2 % of the total load.

Funny, I would consider 2% to be quite a substantial loss as it is possible to eliminate the practice. But then again, as both Pertamina employees and the local “blind eye of the law” both benefit, there seems to be no reason to upset the “status quo”.

A small fuel truck carries 1,000 litres, (equal to 20 nicked litres) while the largest one has the capacity to carry almost 25,000 litres (a whacking 500 nicked litres if you can get away with it). On my way backwards and forwards to work, there are many bottlenecks (Tolls predominately) where the traffic slows to a complete standstill.

The other favourite is for gangs to “sidle” up to trucks stuck in these jams, undo the petrol cap and start siphoning. The victims here are not Oil Company vehicles, instead they are private companies and individuals who have already paid for the diesel in their tanks.

It does not take long before the containers are filled and the stolen fuel carted off for sale elsewhere.

Once again, Indonesians prove that when it comes to thievery, they are masters and never miss a potential score!

Now if only this ingenuity could be harnessed into more socially acceptable efforts I am sure that this country would be subtly different.

Indolent Husbandry

A husband in the Indonesian capital Jakarta was reported to the local authorities by his two wives for being lazy and refusing to work.Odita Fuckwit, 26, a jobless husband in Jakarta, was detained by North Jakarta city police after his wives Neli Fuckwit, 26, and Turaya Fuckwit, 31, reported that they were sick of their husband pretending to be sick to avoid working.

“I decided to pretend to be sick for a week because I’m embarrassed for being jobless,” said Rahman. He also mentioned that he was mainly just lazy.Rahman married his first wife Neli Simanjuntak three years ago and his second wife Turaya in the last six months.

He has been jobless since and depending on his wives’ paychecks for his daily needs. “I need ½ a million Rupiah each month for the Viagra to satisfy these bitches and about another million for the beer and fags to keep me occupied during the day.

Rahman is charged under Indonesian marriage law and faces a maximum of five years in jail if found guilty in court.

“His case is very unique,” a north Jakarta police chief was quoted as saying.

“I’m very sorry that I have been lazy,” Rahman said. But, in my defence shagging the two of them leaves me completely fucked in the mornings.

"All night threesomes can be tiring and this pair are as horny as weasels in heat! If there was a legal sex shop in Jakarta I’d buy a pair of dildo’s so they could get into the lesbian stuff and I could watch and wank myself off! That way I may be able to have the strength to wake up and go to work! "

Some people have all the luck!

Bandung Update

The West Java capital of Bandung has suffered a second blow to its pride -- and city spatial plan -- with acute traffic jams clogging the city that a few months ago was named Indonesia's dirtiest. If the country needed an enema, Bandung would be the first choice for the point of application.

The serious traffic problem has attracted the attention of Indonesia's Vice President who criticized Bandung saying it had one of the best urban planning education centres in the country at the Bandung Institute of Technology, yet still could not fix its traffic. "It should be noted here that the town planning is not wrong. Its implementation does not run as well as expected. The governor and the mayor do not apply the sciences taught at school," the VP said. the traffic could be seen as a mark of development and economic improvement in the city.

"The traffic jams happen because there are many knocking shops there. Before the opening of the whorehouses, go-go bars and strip joints, the traffic was not so uncontrollable," he said. The VP, enjoying a libation or two at a local “chrome pole salon” said it was regrettable that local officials were unable to manage the traffic.

It was noted that the Indonesian equivalent of Air Force One had managed to block a sizeable amount of the cities arteries after it skidded off the runway during landing.

The number of public and private vehicles, including motorcycles, registered with the Bandung Transportation Office in 2000 was around 457,000. With the number of vehicles in the city rising by an estimated 20 percent each year, traffic jams along Bandung's 1,169 kilometres of potholes are becoming difficult to prevent.

Recent surveys on the cities vehicle population are unable to clearly define current numbers as no-one bothers to register their car or motorbike any more. The arrival of tens of thousands of local tourists, especially from Jakarta on the weekend, only makes the situation worse.

A local trader suggested that it was essential that stopping the sale of the silly woollen hats that the women of Bandung wear would deter Jakartan’s from visiting and ensure that the roads were quiet at the weekends.

Dada Fuckwit, in charge of maintaining the potholes said his feelings were not hurt by the Vice President's comments because his municipality was still in the process of reorganizing the traffic. As to what that process is exactly, no-one questioned seemed to know.

Local police chiefs acknowledge that any improvement in the traffic situation would cause a severe drop in salary for the Traffic Cops as there would be less chance for extorting cash from “offenders”

"This motivates us not to deal with the problem as soon as possible," was the official police response.

A Grand Day Out!

Out It was just before noon when the blast shocked shoppers at the newly renovated mall in busy East Jakarta on a busy Saturday.Few people realized what had happened, however. For many, the idea of a bomb blast in their local mall was a remote one.

It is worth noting that there are not foreigners, no embassies, no major western business or financial institutions in this area. In fact, the local population is, in the majority, Indonesian

Muslim Cigarette vendor Uti Fuckwit, whose small kiosk sits in an alley next to Kramat Jati Indah Plaza, said the blast sounded like an exploding gas balloon. (Bear in mind that the vendors who sell party balloons here do not use an inert gas like helium for the balloons, in fact they often fill them with flammable gases, much to the amusement and subsequent third degree burns of the fuckwits who burst them with lit cigarettes)"But there was also a minor tremor, like an earthquake. I thought to myself, It can't be from a gas balloon," she said.

Her kiosk is around 20 meters away from the A&W restaurant where the explosion took place. "People shouted bomb, bomb, and soon people dragged out a man with a burned face," she said, adding that she had tried to get closer to the restaurant but failed.

At this point the massed rubber neckers thronged into the area to see the anticipated blood and gore.An A&W restaurant employee named Joko Fuckwit (who is also one of the luckiest men in Jakarta) said he had served the bomber, later identified as Muhammad Nuh Bastard, who bought a drink. "Fifteen minutes later he ordered food, but he seemed so sick that he nearly fainted before his order was ready," Joko told Metro TV.

This fucker had been sitting in a fast food joint, crammed with kids and families with a pipe bomb under his jacket, quite possibly shitting himself, but also relishing the prospect of the numerous virgins awaiting himself in the afterlife.

Diners and restaurant workers tried to help Nuh, but then saw red and black plastic straps protruding from his waist. (Various exclamations, most notably “Oh Fuck” resounded around the area)"It was so fast that we only heard the explosion," Joko said.

In my opinion he is a very lucky man.Nuh was left unconscious and seriously injured. No one else was harmed. The front window of the restaurant was cracked in the blast. Nuh was rushed to a nearby police hospital for treatment.

A worker at the hospital said the bomber had been operated on successfully and had regained consciousness.

While detectives and the bomb squad arrived quickly and sealed the area, more and more people came to gawk at the scene, having heard about the explosion on TV and the radio. Destiana Fuckwit, from Kalisari, Cijantung, said she had decided to bathe her children earlier than usual and then take her sons on her motorbike to see the bombing.

A great way to spend a Saturday afternoon I’m sure you will agree. Imagine banning cartoons from being watched at home because they are detrimental to a child’s education but allowing them to get dressed up to see a bomb site!

The wonderful Destiana continues….."My neighbor was hosting a get together with her family and they ended it early. Everyone went to Kramat Jati to see the bombing," she said.

Brilliant! Wish my mum had done that for me when I was a kid!