Police have warned motorists to be cautious while driving on the city's streets following evidence that a new way to rip you off has popped up.
Jakarta Police spokesman Sr. Comr. Kapitan General Fuckwit announced that the bad guys have started scattering nails on streets around Jakarta to puncture car tires.
When the unsuspecting dupe has vacated the car looking for a puncture repair shop, the evil thugs have stolen their belongings from their cars before doing an “exit stage left” on motorcycles.
It also appears that it is not an isolated incident. Similar robberies have been reported in Jakarta.
When I say reported, it was in fact a reporter (Koran Temp Newspaper’s chief editor Malela Mahargasarie) who fell victim to a roadside robbery.
Malela was robbed near the Lebak Bulus overpass on Jl. TB Simatupang in South Jakarta at around 10 a.m. (This is not a small back road, it is one of the cities major arteries and to the best of my recollection is never quiet)
It seems our hapless victim was on his way to his office, when a motorcyclist told him he had a flat tire. He then parked his car in front of a row of shop houses and saw that a nail had punctured one of his tires. The good Samaritan on the motorbike stopped and his passenger told Malela there was a tire repair stall nearby. Malela locked his car and walked to the stall.
Then a third fuckwit appears, stoves the window in with a brick stole the dupes wallet, which contained approximately Rp 2.5 million (US$280), his cellular phone and office documents.
After stealing Malela's belongings, the man fled the scene on a motorcycle.
Malela then reported the robbery to the Kebayoran Lama police.
Here’s the best bit.
The cops said they had an idea about who the villains were but had not caught them, in addition they offered sage advice to Malela to pass on through his newspaper.
Victims should send text messages to the police hotline on 1717 for assistance but could not guarantee police would be immediately able to respond due to limited personnel. Just to clarify things it was also suggested that people did not call the police hotline on 122.
Quote”You might not be able to get through on that number because many people call it. Sending an SMS message is more effective."
The police spokesman added as follows:
Motorists should take the following precautions to avoid falling victim to street robberies:
1. If you have a flat tire, do not panic. Stay calm and alert, especially in front of the person who informs you about your flat tire. (Read the guy who tells you the tyre is fucked is a thief)
2. Do not stop immediately. Try to stop at the nearest police station or security guard post. (Read there is no chance the cops will get to you so fuck your wheel rims up while you go to them)
3. Crowded or public places are not 100 percent secure. Find a place where you can seek assistance. (Read – another country)
4. Send a text message to 1717 for police assistance. (Read we are all lazy bastards who spend all day on telephone sex lines and cannot be arsed policing the streets)
5. Avoid driving alone. It is safer to drive with one or more friend. (Read arm your passenger with a shotgun, place them on the roofrack and make like stagecoach)
No comments:
Post a Comment