The Yoga Fatwa

Yup, they have done it again…Indonesia’s Ulema Council, a group of Muslims who choose what is right or wrong for the countries faithful met last week to debate on what pleasures they could deny the populace.

This time …Yoga! Although Malaysia with a large Indian Hindu population adopted this stance a few weeks ago, it was thought unlikely that Indonesia would follow suit.

The main reason appears to be that while contorting oneself into positions that only gymnasts and porn stars seem to be capable off the council is worried that during their exercises the Yoga crowd may start involving themselves with Hindu rituals like chanting

.

Try chanting Om Mani Padmi Om with your right leg twisted around your neck while your left hand is grasping your leg at a 90 degree angle to the rest of your body.

The Ulema cannot make this declaration constitutionally legal, but, here, whatever they say will “go” as the masses trust them to determine sin from good through the issuance of religious Fatwa’s (decrees).

I always understood Yoga to be a mix of physical exercise (read fucking weird contortions) and mental training (read shutting the senses down to ignore the fact that your big toe is lodged firmly in your ear while your nose is immersed in your anus) and that religious matters were furthest from your mind, rather one would be concentrating on how to unravel themselves later.

It seems that members of the council issued their decree after investigators “investigated” gyms and private yoga classes full of nubile young female practitioners in spandex leotards stuck in the half lotus (known as the Jenna Jameson) and the Floating Lily (where one relaxes in preparation for a “spit roasting” with A2M and a DP threesome) and chanted Hindu mantra’s like “Acha TK Gando Bukri Chod” (translated incorrectly as “come and get it big boy I’m ready for some action)

It has to be said in fairness that the same issues have been raised in the USA by Christian Redneck Bible Belt Fundamentalists who claim that it’s Hindu origin is heathen, while, it appears that in Israel it is “frowned upon” but not worthy of a scathing attack such as was made upon Gaza this month.

In Malaysia, there were protests against the ruling and eventually the Malaysian Prime Minister backed down saying that it was OK as long as there was no chanting….

So, it appears that this form of exercise can disrupt the faithful from their beliefs, no matter what the religion and is possible of corrupting religious values. As part of researching this post I googled for images of “Yoga Porn” and yes, it can disrupt one’s thoughts and if I were religious I would certainly ban such a pernicious activity…..

Nearly forgot, the Ulema Council's AGM also issued Fatwa’s on voting, smoking and a few other minor issues, which, understandably have created waves with responses from politicians and tobacco manufacturers….

Watch this space for more fucked up edicts!

Got to go, I need a cup of coffee to kick start the day but I think I'll just be normal about drinking it...