The Buckie Gift pack

A mate of mine (Stu Who - he is famous inh Scotland but I just remember him as Stu) spotted this little piece of comedy gold in the Haddows on Copland Road (a boose shop in Glasgow)on a Wednesday night just before a Rangers game.

The the guy at the counter told him that they sell shit-loads of them.

THE BUCKY GIFT PACK A bottle of Buckfast, 20 Mayfair, & a packet of skins!! You couldn't make it up

Marsh Arabs at De Hooi

There's a new bar opened not far from the house and is pretty convienent being 300 metres away (Staggering Distance)

It's Dutch management (from the same stable as Bugils, Eatern Promise, Cazbar and One Tree) named it De Hooi, which is apperantly cloggie slang for "A roll in the hay"

It does however (myself excepted) attract some strange individulas, mostly American teachers form, the Jakarta International School.

I was in De Hooi the other night and there was this guy holding forth about Marsh Arabs.

I can’t remember if he was for or against them, but he was pretty steamed up about it.

I’m supposed to worry about Marsh Arabs now, am I, on top of everything else?

Sod that. So I said, “You ever met a Marsh Arab, cunt?”

He hadn’t, of course.

China

I seem to be spending more and more time in China these days.

Sichuan Provence is pretty incredible, once you get out of the city the countryside is breathtaking.

I'll probably need to go through all my photographs and post some of the best ones.

A task I shall leave for later methinks!

Cracking Car

They just dont make them like this anymore.

This beast was spotted near Pondok Indah Mall, the kids inside had one of the loudest steroe's I've ever heard and possibly the worst car!

Counterfruit

Police arrested two people this weeky for allegedly producing and distributing counterfeit money.

Director of the city police's general crimes unit Sr. Comr. Major General Shitabrick said the suspects, Erwin Fuckwit, 48, and Suhadi Fuckwit (no relation), 53, may face up to five years in prison if found guilty.

"They used a scanner and a computer to make the counterfeit money. Suhadi then distributed the money by buying fruit using it," he said.

Now forgive me for being niave, but laundering the money by purchasing fruit......

Police seized Rp 37.5 million (approximately US$4,000) in counterfeit notes, a computer, a scanner and a printer allegedly used in the scam.

Erwin initially printed the money for fun, police said, but he printed more when he realized it may be worth something.

Shitabrick said the money was only used in the Depok area in West Java by the suspects. The detectives on the case were able to track the culprits by the trail of banana skins presumably.

Stuck in Traffic, Axe Murderer at the window, no problem, just scream!

Crime takes to the streets, traffic jams have increased due to the busway developments and the bad guys have developed new techniques to rob!

This week a driver witnessed four men threaten a woman with a machete in traffic at Dukuh Atas underpass in Central Jakarta.

The woman was driving a car with her child, stuck in a traffic jam when the men approached and banged on the window, one of them pointing a machete at her.

The witness stated that "She passed her cell phone through the slightly opened window,"

Apparently the witness who was in a taxi just behind the woman's car, said he was shocked, as no one helped her.

"It was a long traffic jam, and there was no police officer in the area," he said .
I don’t know about you, but, the idiot in me would probably have attempted to do something about it.

As described, it would appear that there must have been at least a hundred people in the area, not one of whom got out of their vehicle and tried to help..

The armed men apparently left the crime scene, walking slowly as if nothing unusual had happened. Times are bad when it comes to this!

The crime was one of many unreported cases of street robbery which are on the rise due to widespread congestion in the city.

Jakarta Police chief Insp. Gen. Ayma Fuckwit confirmed that traffic congestion in the city has opened more opportunities for street criminals.

"But with more police officers deployed near the traffic congestion areas now, we manage not only the traffic problems, but also the crimes that might happen there," he said.

The police spokesman also said that recently his team arrested two members of the so-called "Red Axe" gang, which is responsible for violent crimes across the city using red-colored axes. As we speak an APB has been issued for the Hooded Claw, The Ant Hill Mob and Dick Dastardley, all hardened traffic felons.

However, the members of the Red-Axe gang who were arrested after allegedly robbing and threatening a train passenger in Pasar Minggu Baru station in South Jakarta on Tuesday, were shot by the police when they tried to escape. They died on the way to hospital.

Swift justice, I imagine that the report on the shooting must have been a great read.

South Jakarta Police chief Sr. Com. Chairbound Eyeshut said the "Red-Axe" gang usually operated at intersections when the traffic light turned red or in traffic jams. But recently they have also turned to trains.

"Their main target is female drivers and I suggest to anyone who finds herself in this situation, to scream out for help.

"The screaming will make them panic," he added. (Whoop de bloody doo, four guys with an axe panicking because Ibu Fuckwit is screaming, don’t see it somehow)

City police have intensified patrols in several areas considered "prone to street crime".

These include Jl. Patiunus, Jl. Arteri Pondok Indah, Jl. Bendi and Jl. RC Veteran in South Jakarta; Jl. Juanda and Jl. Merdeka Barat in Central Jakarta; Jl. Sengon Tambora, Jl. Yos Sudarso and Jl. Boulevard Kelapa Gading in North Jakarta; and Jl. Pasar Rebo, Jl. Pisangan Timur and Jl. Basuki Rahmat in East Jakarta.

Now the police, having named the areas of concern where they are patrolling (I cannot remember the last time I saw a cop on Jl Arteri Pondok Indah) have let the cat out off the bag and the Red-Axe gang are moving to a street near you.

Fags not Shags

Malang regency public order officers banned sex workers from operating during the recent Ramadan and are made efforts to secure them jobs in cigarette factories as an alternative means of income.

Investigation and disciplinary division head of the public order police unit Ihavenodick Fuckwit said the initiative was aimed at minimizing the number of sex workers in the regency.

It would also equip them with the necessary skills to seek other means of income so they do not return to sex work, he said.

"We can't ask them to stop operating during Ramadan without giving them an alternative means of income, as this is our moral obligation.

"The closure of brothels should be followed up with solutions. Sex workers should be introduced to positive activities, at least during the month of Ramadan, so they can live a more meaningful life and (hopefully) not return to their old trade," said Ihavenodick at a press conference.

The regency administration will provide training and capital to sex workers to buy tobacco and paper so they can produce hand-rolled cigarettes, which will then be supplied to cigarette factories.

Malang regency is home to 321 large and small scale cigarette factories, 193 of which are currently operational and located in 33 of the regency's districts.

Data at the Malang regency Health Office shows that at least 486 sex workers currently operate in several red-light districts in the regency.

Observations conducted by officers and activists in the field indicate that a sex worker who usually serves two to three customers per day can earn Rp 50,000 (approximately US$5.50) daily, after deducting lodging and meal expenses and payment to pimps.

Meanwhile, a cigarette factory worker can earn Rp 40,000 a day.

"This program will be carried out not only during Ramadan, but also after the holy month," Ihavenodick said. (I cannot see this working somehow)

He added the program, which had been ongoing for the past year, was initially strongly rejected by various parties, such as pimps and others who felt they would be deprived of their incomes.

As a consequence, many cigarette companies -- which were initially willing to employ the sex workers -- retreated as they, as well as the sex workers, received threats.

Last year, the regency administration introduced the program at a brothel in Suko village, Sumberpucung district, where around 70 sex workers operated. Only around 15 percent of the sex workers were willing to take part in the program and were hired by three factories.

Ihavenodick then familiarized the public with the program and coordinated with cigarette companies, the Malang regency police, the local social welfare office and community figures to help sex workers who wished to leave their old profession.

"Three factories have stated their cooperation and will accept the sex workers. They will be chosen from the red-light areas nearest to the factories so they don't have to spend extra money on transportation."

The regency administration's policy to close down brothels and entertainment establishments during Ramadan is also aimed at minimizing the spread of HIV/AIDS.

While this is an interesting concept, time will tell whether the girls will continue rolling fags or go back to smoking beef!