Sorry, but I have been celebrating...

I was another year older on Monday, so, to celebrate a group of friends (twenty of us) had brunch at the JW Marriott on Sunday....



Where the final tally was 34 bottles of this...



Eight bottles of red, Six bottles of white and then off to the bar later!

The next day, a refresher was required and even I was f*cking shocked at the bill.....

I'm not being lazy

Rather, the New year ushered in a set of tasks which have kept me fully occupied. Task One is due to finish today and hopefully I can get back to peddling smut and nonsense shortly...

Meanwhile, just a quickie....

A friend of mine decided to indulge himself with one of Indonesia's strangest contradictions...Magic Mushrooms! Extremely psychotropic yet legal!

A batch of the said fungals was obtained in Bali and brought back to Jakarta for use last weekend. In order to maintain thier state of freshness they were put in the fridge with a large label marked "Do not cook" (In Bahasa Indonesian) attached to the pack.


The plan was to get a group of  friends together  on Saturday, head out into the country and consume said mushrooms and "enjoy" nature at it's best.

Friday being Friday, it was a night out at the pub and then, as he had plans for Saturday my friend decided to return home at a reasonable hour in readiness for his one way ticket to heaven.

Upon his return, he heard a strange wailing and moaning from upstairs. Unsure of what was going on he made his way to the first floor to discover that the place had been trashed and his maid was present in her praying outfit bouncing up and down on her prayer mat.....

His first thoughts were that the place had been burgled but, as the story unfolded he discovered himself to be in a very sticky position.

It turns out that the maid, an elderly lady had decided to cook my friend a nice steak dinner, and yes, you guessed it, a Mushroom Sauce to go with it. It appears the Mushroom Sauce was considered so good that the poor lady decided that a little would not go amiss and used some to accompany her own evening meal.

Apparently, about an hour after her meal, the drugs kicked in and she was convinced the devil had entered the house and that she had been possessed. In her battle with the demons inside her, she set about destroying the genies around her along with table lamps, ornaments and framed pictures which were smashed to release the spirits within.

My friends driver was summoned and the plan was to get her to a Mosque, have the Imam exorcise her and then take her safely to her families house so that she could recover with friends......which, unbelievably succeeded. 

Only in Indonesia methinks!

Warm again!

Sorry, been on a trip to Scotland over Christmas. Not much I can say as my mother reads the shite I post here.

Scotland itself was great, however, you can keep the travelling. The temperature was not in the 30's as one can imagine and I guess my mother's central heating bill may have risen during my stay!

I'll get back up to date shortly, but, in the meantime!

The trip to Scotland was supposed to be so that my daughter could see real snow, but alas that was not to be. Despite low temperatures there was no precipitation and clear skies lasted throughout most of the stay!

Have to admit that it was pretty relaxing sitting watching the world go by, keeping the drinks outside also saved loading the fridge up! Beer, Wine, Cider and Irn Bru - Ice Cold on the doorstep!

Did some of the usual stuff, sightseeing at Stirling Castle being a bit of a treat but the majority of the time I indulged in absolutely "fuck all" ,  mostly due to my daughters constant cold, which as it worked out was probably a good thing after all!

Despite the full Christmas TV lineup it was more fun watching the wildlife in the back garden, although it has to be said that the squirrel population decreased mainly due to my mothers insistence on trapping and killing them after they damaged the insulation in her loft!

 

As it goes with all things, the visit was much too short, but, on the bright side I can honestly say that it was a pleasure to travel on roads with considerate drivers and virtualy zero pollution anywhere.

It may be nice and warm here, but there are some things it is a joy to get away from every now and then!

So until the next time I get the chance (probably another three or four years) I'll just sit back here with my happy memories!

Jalan Jalan - Ho Hum Travelling Again

At the airport en route to China with a 24 hour journey ahead.....no idea whether blogger will work now the "press freedoms" no longer apply.....back on Sunday.

Oh, and BTW, did anyone feel the earthquake 'cuase I effing didn't...

How to avoid Police Fines!

In a shocking discovery a mate of mine was apparently stopped by the Jakarta Brownshirts yesterday for an illegal traffic move and being a tight arsed bastard decided he was not going to pay!


Insisting that his wallet was at home along with driving license, ID, money etc he was released on condition that police visited him at his office this morning to review his "documents"

This was considered acceptable and he handed the cops his business card...except it was someone elses card!

Some poor fucker will be getting a visit from Jakarta's finest this morning, and worse, the victim does not drive, does not have a license and only met my mate on Friday night!

What a c*nt!

Vodka

Specifically Chinese Vodka

Do not ever, ever drink it

pɹıǝʍ oƃ ʇsod noʎ ƃuıɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ sǝʞɐɯ ʇı

Thanks to Rima, I forgot the website address for upside down

Bugger, Bugger, Bugger

It's been a bugger of a week, a trip to Sumatra, scurrying around to get a Chinese Visit Visa (a lot more difficult than before due to the Olympics, funny I thought it would have been easier) and getting on with "fings" in general.

Off to China today until next Wednesday, a day back in Jakarta and then 18 days in Thailand.....bugger, bugger, bugger!

On the plus side, my daughter was tasked with recording, either on audio or video with one of her parents reading their favourite poem...

Here is the result!

The Walrus and the Carpenter

Oh, and regarding the link on the left - Top Scotish Websites - there canot be many computer literate bastards in Scotland as it proclaims me to be Number1.

How that can be achieved with 3 visitors I have no idea.. Do me a favour and click the fucker to make the visit numbers better.....

Back soon!

Apologies to Rima

I realised that I had hotlinked your blog address incorrectly...

Fixed (Sory about that)

For those that cannot be arsed to find the link go here!

A very clever girl

Wanna get laid in Jakarta?

Hidden in the Classified's

Browsing the Jakarta Post yesterday I came across a "small add" offering nightlife tours in Jakarta, US$ 125 for a threee hour educational tour. It seemed quite strange, all that money for what?

In the advert was a website address so being the investigative type I checked it out....and an interesting aray of "tour options" were listed, not al off them off the family variety!

JAKARTA AFTER DARK offers exclusive nightlife tours of the hottest spots in Jakarta to meet the most available women, allowing you to fulfill your desire. Night clubs, bars, street line-ups, hotel massage services, massage parlours, spas, pick-up joints, dispatchers, and escort agencies/houses are all yours to experience.

Come and get it big boy



Interestingly, the site also offers the following service....

If you are a business owner or a high level executive with spending limits or a corporation, JAKARTA AFTER DARK can provide you with a business invoice from unrelated service company for my private services and what ever amount of money you spend in between.

In that case, my services will become totally deductable and you will be able to charge them as a business expense in your company.

Different invoice subjects can be proposed based on your business activity: transportation, consulting services, conferences, training, translation services, marketing services, web promotion, etc.

I have just realised I have to do my expenses today, better contact these wonderful people and get a few receipts....em, er, just in case (If you know what I mean)

Been busy

Pig off a week, trying to get things cleared at work so I can leave Jakarta for the weekend.

Off to Bali to attend a friends wedding....back soon!