One of the better things about being online is the fact that you meet a good number of kindred spirits, amny of whom share the same sense of humour. Among them is the writer of the
Metro Mad
column in the Jakarta Post Sunday edition. Simon is a "good egg" but I think he may be out of work shortly.
Two other acquaintances (Kuku & Ken) whose locations must remain top secret collaborated on a DIY Metro Mad which was aimed at giving Simon a bit more free time to indulge in "Wine Women and Song"
In true Dilligaf style I have stolen the code and proudly present:
Do-It-Yourself Metro Mad Column Hello readers, this week's Metro Mad tackles the
controversial perennial taboo dismal religious rarely discussed immoral gay repugnant sexy stultifying historic subject of
Islamic law floods prostitution corruption the busway my penis Jusuf Kalla writer's block JakChat supermarkets duty-free alcohol Carry On movies .
Recently, one of my
chums co-workers maids students ojek drivers prostitute girlfriends rentboys socks pet turtles duty free shops bags of marijuana chlamydia test results invited me to
Jalan Jaksa Monas a drive-in mosque a church the Bintang brewery the Gedung DPR the shooting of a porn film a JakChat gathering a gay brothel Wiranto's birthday party a mass circumcision Suharto's funeral .
Upon arrival, we saw
FPI members drunk English teachers American soldiers The Lapindo Brantas mudflow victims Papuan mercenaries rented goats KuKu's ex-wives a group of ladyboys Hilary Clinton and Barak Obama the cast of Carry On Up the Khyber the Suharto children Hall and Oates shouting
anti-Western slogans "satu lagi mas!" "aku dan kau suka Dancow!" "wes ewes ewes bablas angine!" "Merdeka!" "hello mister!" "fuck Suharto!" "want massage? take room now?" "free West Papua!" "transport miss!" "ban the Jakarta Post!" "Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin" and equipped with
large bottles of Bintang Russian weapons US fighter planes durian-flavored ganja explodable dildos sachets of McDonald's sambal angry orangutans a bronze statue of Inul a box of condoms desiccated jellyfish bags of 100,000 rupiah notes pirated copies of Cum Swappers #6 .
Their action, which follows
raids on bars the banning of online masturbation Idul Adha the cloning of Sutiyoso my positive test for gonorrhea the bombing of Yaudah Bistro my motorbike accident a TVRI documentary on giant ants the closure of Adam Air a surge in illegal logging the release of halal pork the opening of more Busway corrdiors , could
threaten wipe out partition legalize badminton in ban dwarfs from tarnish the reputation of freeze the assets of bring back Rano Kano to remove squatters from introduce British cooking to cause illegal logging in Islamicize Aceh province a Surabaya Burger King Papuan caravan parks the David Jardine Memorial Brothel the 2008 Olympics hamster colonies the Dutch Empire Kupang's 5-star hotels Carthage Romance Bar Hero supermarkets my underpants and affect
national unity foreign investment the crude oil price the English Premier League my Dutch housemate's future Dilligaf's Demise the rising cost of sand the outcome of the Crusades Nokia ringtones Megawati's nightclub career the duration of my KITAS my sex life .
Regular readers of
Metro Mad Indonesian Playboy The Point the al-Qu'ran The Cat in the Hat McDonald's Ramadhan menu Suharto's autobiography catfish entrails The Brothers Karamazov condom instructions my bank statements Indomie recipes Hardship Posting will know
the folly of mixing politics and beer fuck-all the cost of a Blok M whore my home address I idolize Richard Dawkins a few big words the Busway sucks I smoke weed the meaning of love the lyrics of Indonesia Payah how to drink Baygon the route of MetroMini 79 .
Well, that's all for now folks, I'm off to
England present a quiz at Eastern Promise Jalan Palatehan get killed on a bicycle argue in gay chatrooms shag some bule bird at the Jakarta Post solve global warming the Sixth Floor invent a cure for Dutch arrogance Tommy Suharto's bar mitzvah the FA Cup final buy porn .
Could not have said it better, anonymously or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThe formulae is out.
all in good fun of course.