A Grand Day Out!

Out It was just before noon when the blast shocked shoppers at the newly renovated mall in busy East Jakarta on a busy Saturday.Few people realized what had happened, however. For many, the idea of a bomb blast in their local mall was a remote one.

It is worth noting that there are not foreigners, no embassies, no major western business or financial institutions in this area. In fact, the local population is, in the majority, Indonesian

Muslim Cigarette vendor Uti Fuckwit, whose small kiosk sits in an alley next to Kramat Jati Indah Plaza, said the blast sounded like an exploding gas balloon. (Bear in mind that the vendors who sell party balloons here do not use an inert gas like helium for the balloons, in fact they often fill them with flammable gases, much to the amusement and subsequent third degree burns of the fuckwits who burst them with lit cigarettes)"But there was also a minor tremor, like an earthquake. I thought to myself, It can't be from a gas balloon," she said.

Her kiosk is around 20 meters away from the A&W restaurant where the explosion took place. "People shouted bomb, bomb, and soon people dragged out a man with a burned face," she said, adding that she had tried to get closer to the restaurant but failed.

At this point the massed rubber neckers thronged into the area to see the anticipated blood and gore.An A&W restaurant employee named Joko Fuckwit (who is also one of the luckiest men in Jakarta) said he had served the bomber, later identified as Muhammad Nuh Bastard, who bought a drink. "Fifteen minutes later he ordered food, but he seemed so sick that he nearly fainted before his order was ready," Joko told Metro TV.

This fucker had been sitting in a fast food joint, crammed with kids and families with a pipe bomb under his jacket, quite possibly shitting himself, but also relishing the prospect of the numerous virgins awaiting himself in the afterlife.

Diners and restaurant workers tried to help Nuh, but then saw red and black plastic straps protruding from his waist. (Various exclamations, most notably “Oh Fuck” resounded around the area)"It was so fast that we only heard the explosion," Joko said.

In my opinion he is a very lucky man.Nuh was left unconscious and seriously injured. No one else was harmed. The front window of the restaurant was cracked in the blast. Nuh was rushed to a nearby police hospital for treatment.

A worker at the hospital said the bomber had been operated on successfully and had regained consciousness.

While detectives and the bomb squad arrived quickly and sealed the area, more and more people came to gawk at the scene, having heard about the explosion on TV and the radio. Destiana Fuckwit, from Kalisari, Cijantung, said she had decided to bathe her children earlier than usual and then take her sons on her motorbike to see the bombing.

A great way to spend a Saturday afternoon I’m sure you will agree. Imagine banning cartoons from being watched at home because they are detrimental to a child’s education but allowing them to get dressed up to see a bomb site!

The wonderful Destiana continues….."My neighbor was hosting a get together with her family and they ended it early. Everyone went to Kramat Jati to see the bombing," she said.

Brilliant! Wish my mum had done that for me when I was a kid!