On May 29th something went horribly wrong on a well site in Central Java. The Oil Company is named Lapindo Brantas and the drilling contractor shall remain nameless, mainly because I have an Indonesian friend who works for them.
In order to get things done “quicker” (read bunch of fuckwits) the Oil Company representatives chose not to perform a simple operation which resulted in what can only be described as a huge ecological disaster. Forget wells going on fire, forget gushers leaping high in the air, this one stated oozing “MUD”.
And fucking loads of it, months later, houses, villages, factories, farms, motorways (I use the last term loosely) have all been buried under the constant flow of the evil brown stuff.
Attempts are being made to drill a relief well directionaly which will allow the flow to be stemmed far underground, but this is slow and it looks like the rig doing the drilling will soon alo be overwhelmed by the mud flow.
So much for the technical intervention. As usual, Indonesia has an alternative.
Even late at night the site remains busy -- not with workers trying to stop the constant gray streams, but with mystics attempting to use their supernatural powers to end the disaster for a Rp 100 million (US$10,869) prize.
Quotes from assorted fuckwits!
Fuckwit One!
"I could have called the spirit around the oil well l, but the spirit left upon learning that the press were here and would take picture’s, I'll try calling it again so I can communicate with it."
Fuckwit Two is nearby,crouched over busily chanting, throwing sand and stone into ponds built to contain the mudflow. "The sand and stone were taken ... with God's guidance from the cemetery of Sunan Ampel in Surabaya and of Sunan Giri in Gresik," referring to two of the nine legendary Islamic clerics who spread Islam in Java.
Fuckwit Two who works days on a tobacco farm, said he hoped he had adequate powers to stop the mess from spreading. "I've had a blessing from Gus Dur (former president Abdurrahman Wahid)... If I win, I and my family will live in a house," he said. (Wonder what he currently lives in?)
There are 50 psychics taking part in the contest, organized by the Kedung Bendo village head, a wealthy businessman named Hasan Fuckwit.
The competition has attracted psychics from many cities in East Java and from further afield, including Jakarta and Medan. All are trying their luck to stop the hot mud, which has been gushing out of Lapindo's exploration well since May 29.
The organizer has not collected any registration fees for the contestants nor provided them with accommodation; they only get free water, and are required to bring their own equipment.
(Not one of them had a vacuum cleaner like appliance strapped to his back whilst wearing a spacesut!)
"Some of the psychics are scary-looking, but there are also those who are gentle and polite. But none of them have stopped the mud," said the contest's coordinator.
He said the competition had received such a large response that the committee had to limit the number of participants and separate them into several groups. The committee has not set a deadline for contestants to end the flows.
In a screening process, each psychic had to pass a test: turn off a water faucet left on by the organizer with only their supernatural powers. (Brilliant!)
"With the test, many candidates had to go back home. How can they stop a mudflow if they can't even shut off a faucet,"
The contest is one of the more unusual attempts to end the disaster, which has left more than 9,000 people homeless and more than 1,800 people out of work.
"Many people may not accept that we have supernatural powers," said Fuckwit Three, a psychic from Jakarta.
"But it is clear that the mudflow can only be stopped if the government and Lapindo end their sinful acts, which are affecting the people."
Fuck it, ending sinful acts? Methinks the mud will continue flowing for years based upon the amount of badness in “Sindonesia”
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