Scary Very Very Scary

Stephen King could not have written a story that would even half compare to the complete horror of trying to get to work in Jakarta. The first rule is “Do not look”; this applies indiscriminately to both passengers and drivers.

At first I rather enjoyed the “newness” of it all, driving past areas of apparent jungle, paddy fields and small agricultural settlements on the commute between South West Jakarta and South East Jakarta. This soon waned as I realized that the whole route was in essence an extended rubbish tip. There’s something about rubbish here which ensures that none of it ends up being disposed of correctly, it either ends up on the ground, providing a multi coloured back drop to the lush vegetation or gets burned in one of the multitudinous bonfires which line the route.

Then there are the beggars, every major junction or intersection has them, you name it, they have it missing, legs, arms, teeth, and eyes-the lot! As if that was not enough, we have the bands of roving minstrels, charlatans and vagabonds with guitars, strumming tunelessly as they weave their way on and off buses, all trying to part a small token from your wallet. There have been reports of people in cars talking on the telephone at the traffic lights and then whoosh, your mobile has been nicked. Lovely stuff…

The majority of the journey takes place on the Toll Roads, of which there are not enough. The transport system here has many planned motorways, however, property speculators who are “in the know” purchase parcels of land along the proposed highway route and then hold out for maximum return on investment when the authorities try to obtain said land for the project development Accordingly, the maps of Jakarta have lots of little dotted lines which say “Outer Ring Road (Proposed)” which have never been developed due to the financial see-sawing involved in trying to buy the land.

At least on the Toll Roads there are no motorbikes. This at least removes one potential hazard from the journey, but fear not, buses and trucks offer new and exciting ways to get creamed on the journey.

The best are the long distance buses, crammed full of travelers trying to get from Jakarta to West Java, Surabaya, Yogokarta, Medan, and all other populated areas. These juggernauts all have a commonality, exhaust systems which belch smoke that Belsen would be proud off, drivers who obtained their licenses in a Lucky Bag (showing my age there) and passengers who obey rule number One which was mentioned at the beginning of the epistle(DO NOT LOOK! ).

Whereas in most developed nations, buses and trucks are required to stay within the first two inside lanes on the motorway, here this rule does not apply. Imagine that you are the driver of the Thrust Teams Rocket Car, attempting to break the land speed record, your foot is pedal to the metal, acceleration is making your eyeballs squash in the back of their sockets and veins on your neck are throbbing with the G Force and pressure. As you watch the speedometer needle touch the line that says “Sound Barrier” an Indonesian bus cuts across four lines of highway and blasts the air horn saying “Get Out of the Fu**ing Way”.

Truck drivers are no less responsible. It is not unusual to have all four lanes filled with trucks, each of which is loaded to the gunnels with “STUFF”, and they all trundle. (Good word that – Trundle) No speeding involved here, the truck tyres are already so bald that the temperatures created by driving any faster than 25MPH would cause them to burst.

Eventually having overcome all obstacles, you reach work. A chance for rest and relaxation before you have to get back in the car for the return leg of the daily nightmare.

Stephen King – eat your heart out- the roads in Indonesia are for real.