Never mind the bollocks, here's the busway!

Jakarta has decided after nearly 500 years to consider an integrated mass rapid transportation system.

City inhabitants -- seeing plans for busways, monorails, subways and water taxis -- are dreaming of a future of roads unplagued by run-down city buses.

But then the TransJakarta busway arrived, and it was goodbye Kopaja. (Kopaja is responsible for ½ the shit on the road and, in fairness about 80% of vehicle emissions)

In a time when becak (mini buses) and bajaj (three wheeled death traps) still thrived in a less-sprawled Jakarta, city buses were the way of the future.

But when the MRT finally kicks in, most of the older forms of transport will be politely told to “get the fuck out of here”!

Around 6,500 buses have been, and will be, affected by the introduction of TransJakarta busway alone.

Of course, this will mean unemployment as there are currently about 13,000 workers, since one bus is often staffed by two alternating drivers.

The administration has included the current bus operators in its TransBatavia consortium, a joint cooperation to manage the city's busway corridors. (read corruption)

Prior to the introduction of TransJakarta, city public transportation was basic with Pak and Ibu Fuckwit having no option but to hop on the notorious buses and minivans.

The existing fleet still consists of street devils by all definitions: unsafe, uncomfortable and unfriendly to the environment. In addition, hawkers, musicians and beggars are using them as work areas and your ride, uncomfortable to start with is fraught with these additional parasites from start to finish!

Pak Onan, a bus owner stated "What do you expect when people are only paying Rp 1,000 or Rp 2,000 for the ride? Bus owners don't have the resources to maintain or revamp their old buses."

Similar responses also come from other bus owners, drivers and sometimes even passengers. But there is more to it than that.

For the owners, problems only come twice a year when the buses require their official safety and quality tests at the Pulogadung center for public transportation.

"A healthy bus could pass with Rp 400,000. But failure to meet one of the requirements costs another Rp 50,000," said Dul Bastard a colleague of Onan who specializes in making sure that the buses pass the tests. (read corruption)

An observation at the Pulogadung testing center backs up Dul's story, with drivers queuing their buses for the test familiar with the "special handshake."

The result is apparent in the buses that freely roam the streets with brakes that often fail and thick smoke coming from their exhausts.

"Paying those fees is already a burden. You can't expect us to take the buses to the garage every month for maintenance," said Toupe adding that he had to come up with (steal) Rp 40 million to start operating his buses.

"For route fees and all. You know, that sort of thing," he said. (Read kickbacks)

And with that investment, he collects Rp 200,000 a day from his drivers. (Read he is also being ripped off by his drivers)

With the special handshake available to waive maintenance problems, there are no incentives or disincentives for him to spend more on maintenance or revamp his fleet.

The chaos of the industry is in turn made more complex by the erratic and dangerous behavior of drivers and passengers.

Fucking nightmare is about the only description for it, however, it looks as if despite the best intentions, the nightmare will last for at least another 500 years!