Thursday, 25 February 2010

That Sinking Feeling!

There’s an awful lot of talk and not a lot of doing! Yes, it’s that time again when the floods, landslides, storms and the numerous other contributors to Jakartan misery all join forces at the same time.

Flood relief canals are yet to be finished, waterways that were dredged are once again laden with the plastic debris that Jakarta seems infested with, Dengue Fever strikes again in the slums of East Jakarta and Bekasi and, it is thought that the worst has yet to come.

Yet, despite the torrential downpours, the city is dying through lack of, yes, you guessed it…water.

It is currently thought that Jakarta is sinking at a rate of between 5-10 cm per year and, given these figures it is clear that in the not too distant future the floods of today will appear miniscule compared to the problems a city below sea level faces.

Groundwater extraction is considered the main culprit, however, it is estimated that more than half the city relies upon the subterranean water sources.

To get a better idea about groundwater usage and it’s sustainability I found this picture on Wiki and scarily, it shows how the aquifers replenish and more importantly, demonstrates that unless carefully used the system can fall into the millennia curve which is where the pundits claim Jakarta is heading – fast!

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Estimates to connect houses with mains water and sewage systems are astronomical and no-one, not even private industry can see a way of making any return on investment on a project whose scale cannot be properly imagined.

Think tanks have another option; let’s move Jakarta away from Jakarta. Not strictly speaking what they intend, but, the movement of political power from Jakarta to a fresh site would allow a new start with an infrastructure designed to handle the requirements that a modern capital city needs.

Locations in Central Java and even Kalimantan have been suggested; hopefully with an eye on what impact such a move would have on the existing area, yet, it seems that on the whole such a scheme is destined to failure, mostly due to “what will we do with the old place”?

It is off course about money. Who will pay for a relocation?

If we don’t move, who will pay for the MTR the city so greatly requires?; who will pay for the large scale water conservation programme that is required?; who will pay for the increased green area’s that will be needed to soak up the cities daily figure of 13,000 tons of CO2 emissions?; who will pay for the clean water and sewage systems mentioned above?; and, perhaps more importantly, who will NOT pay for the shortcuts, permissions and general skulduggery involved in any project that is approved.

Ironically, Jakarta stands on a brink, stark choices have to be made and as of today there is no single body that has the power or financing to oversee such an ambitious plan and execute these schemes in a co-ordinated manner.

Until that body is created, it seems we must endure the shitty air (347 days out of 365), be prepared for 2014 when the entire city is expected to become gridlocked, expect to be one of the third of the population who are sickened by respiratory illness once a month, and as for the shits, get used to them, they may be here for many years to come.

Top Investment Tip: Buy shares in any company who manufactures a product that will stop you coughing your guts up or shitting yourself. I foresee a continued demand for these Jakartan essentials.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

More Genies, a touch of Rape and may I check your bottom?

Rape, Child Abuse and more Rape have been the recent headlines over here, a serial Killer violating and mutilating young boys, a schoolgirl being raped by genie and the Ache Sharia Police arresting a couple for immorality and subsequently gang raping the girl.

The worst part of it all is that although these crimes upset pretty well everyone, it is the “kick reaction” from the authorities that pretty well sums up how fucked up things can and often do get here.

Take the Street Kids who are being abused. They need help? Of course they do, so here’s what the plan is!

From the Jakarta Globe

The Jakarta city administration said on Wednesday that it would join a police initiative to round up street children and physically examine their anuses for evidence of sexual abuse, a move that the country’s leading nongovernmental child-rights organization opposes as abuse.

The move follows a police announcement on Tuesday that street children would have to submit to rectal examinations in an effort to identify victims of sexual abuse.

Budi Hardjo, head of the city’s Social Affairs Agency, said that during the citywide search for street children, the Jakarta Health Agency and the Jakarta Police would cooperate in an effort to find possible child abusers. He said that 500 personnel from different agencies would be involved.

The planned round-up is in response to the arrest of Bayquni, 49, who is also known as Babe, an accused serial killer who allegedly killed at least 10 male street children. He admitted to police that he sexually abused the corpses of his victims.

As a first step, Budi said, the city would begin a sweep today of all five municipalities in Jakarta. He said children identified by the city would be interviewed to find out why they were living on the street and undergo a health examination.

“When we find them, we will look for the reason they are on the street, whether they are from broken homes, runaways or victims of human trafficking,” Budi said.

Budi said children caught up in the city dragnet would be examined both psychologically and physically. He said they would be given a rectal examination to determine whether they had been sexually abused.

Bloody Hell, that one had the Child Rights Campaigners up in arms in no time. Moral outrage hit the streets, the newsstands and presumably the massage parlours as well.

Less than 24 hours later…. From the Jakarta Post, the sound of Jack boot’s and brown shirts retreating from the fray!

Jakarta Police announced Thursday that they have withdrawn from the city administration plan to hold physical screening of street children across Jakarta to seek out potential abuse victims.

Jakarta Police chief detective Sr. Comr. Idham Azis said that there have been a “mistake in communication and understanding” on the plan.

“If other government institutions decide to go on with the plan, we hereby declare we are not involved,” he said as quoted by kompas.com.

Not quite what the Children’s Rights Groups wanted but certainly the cops new that they would have been on the wrong side here. It is not as yet clear whether the Vatican has been contacted to see if they have any volunteers to replace the police in this execise.

If there were any “priests” available, they could possible stand by for an exorcism, specifically of a head teacher (of an Islamic Boarding School) in downtown Tangerang who blamed his “Pet Genie” for the rape of a schoolgirl. Better still, he has openly agreed to a request from the victim’s mother that that the police obtain his DNA in order to prove his innocence, presumably Genies have different DNA….

From the Jakarta Globe…

The principal of an Islamic boarding school in Tangerang is vigorously denying allegations that he raped one of his teenage students. His defense: His “pet genie” did it.

A 15-year-old girl, identified only by the initials KHF, told Kompas.com that she was raped at the school last July. She said she had gone to the office of the principal, identified as HDN, to report that she was quitting the school’s student body.

But she claimed the principal changed the topic of conversation by saying that one of his genies had a crush on her. He reportedly promised that she would be given certain “metaphysical powers” if she agreed to have sex with the genie. The girl said she refused the offer but did not tell anyone about the encounter.

A few days later, on July 19, she said she had gone to the pantry and bumped into the principal. She said she had kissed his hand as a sign of respect and then began to feel disoriented. The next thing she remembered was waking up in the principal’s office, exhausted and with pain in her lower body.

The girl said she did not tell anyone about what had happened. Eventually, however, she confided in her mother, Khadijah, who was suspicious about her daughter’s growing stomach. Khadijah took her to the doctor and was told that her daughter was six months pregnant.

The principal has denied raping the girl and reportedly told her parents that his genie was responsible for the pregnancy. He said the genie must have been angry because it had not been fed for months. He is understood to have said the genie “borrowed” his body at the time of the rape.

In response, the girl’s family challenged him to take a DNA test. He agreed and said he was sure the test would reveal the true culprit, the girl’s mother said.

Khadijah and her husband reported the case to the Indonesian Legal Aid and Human Rights Association (PBHI) in Jakarta, which in turn filed a complaint with the Jakarta Police.

The crazy thing about it all is that people trust and believe in these “possibilities” and rarely question those in authority who rationalise “crimes” by using spiritual belief and fear of magic as the factors involved.

These stories abound, the cultural mix which often causes Indonesians to revert back to long remembered Animistic beliefs and blend these with current religious thinking is strange, and surprisingly quite common.

What is new however is that this “school of mixed belief” was questioned and considered unhealthy in Post Civil war / Tsunami Aceh. While rebuilding their lives, a differing Islamic model has been introduced which it was hoped would create a more civilised and law abiding region.

The Sharia Laws, which were approved within Aceh but have not been ratified by the government in Jakarta allowed the creation of a Sharia Police Force, whose function is to be defenders of the regions morality.

This force operates under the controversial Qanun Jinayat, Aceh’s set of local bylaws which were raised to to replace parts of the Criminal Code with aspects of Islamic law for Acehnese Muslims. This was approved by Aceh’s legislative council last September, however the Achenese Governor decided after international outrage from Civil Rights Groups based on the sentences which became available for use against transgressors.
The Qanun allows the local courts to sentence transgressors to delights such as stoning and lashing, for offenses such as adultery, premarital and homosexual sex. The bylaws also mandate corporal punishment for rapists, child molesters, drinkers of alcohol and gamblers.

In addition, segregation of the sexes is encouraged, tight trousers, loose or skimpy clothing, holding hands, homosexuality, and an as yet unknown number of interpretations of these bylaws can cause the Sharia Cops to chastise, warn or arrest you without any form of charge being required.

Last week, a young couple who were probably only holding hands on the beach were arrested as “Fornicators” and escorted to the local nick for re-education. The couple were separated and the three officers involved decided to undertake this deeply important re-education upon themselves, despite the couple not having been presented in front of a court. It is claimed that after this re-education they went off duty only to return later.

Their return was not out of any form of duty to ensure that the lessons of Sharia had been understood, specifically by the 20 year old female. In short, they brutally raped the girl, taking turns and repeatedly violating her.

Needless to say they were discovered, arrested (well two of them at least, the third accused has legged it) and rather than being charged under Sharia Law they were charged under Criminal Code, Indonesia’s Civil Law. (Maximum Sentence 12 years)

The Sharia Law in this case would have been Article 29, which stipulates that those convicted of rape can receive 100 to 200 lashes, or a minimum prison sentence of 100 months and maximum of 200 months.

The row rages on, those who believe in the good of Sharia want the accused tried under the Qanun Jinayat and punished to the maximum severity that this law allows, then, there is the official Indonesian Law which the police claim is the only Law which can be applied in this case.

Whichever way you look at it, I would hate to be an Indonesian Cop. Duties include checking little boys bums, DNA swab testing genies and all the while wondering which particular book of law applies.

Bugger that!

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Who Ya Gonna Call?

It’s all gone supernatural in Indonesia this week with two stories hitting the press showing how deep seated the beliefs in Animism and the Afterlife sit within the peoples psyche.

Firstly, there were ghosts nicking TV sets, presumably to watch pirated copies of 2012 and Twilight – New Moon.

As reported in the Jakarta Globe…..

The pocong, a ghost clad in a white burial shroud, has reportedly been preying on the village of Dramaga Tengah in West Java, which is home to more than 150 families, for the past month. But in the past two weeks, it has begun to steal personal property.

The spate of ghostly thefts, according to detik.com, prompted about 30 armed villagers to attempt to lure the pocong out from hiding using a fake pocong — essentially a man dressed in a shroud who jumps around the village.

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“The people initiated the search for the pocong because many homes reported they had lost their television sets,” Wawak, one of the villagers, told the news portal on Wednesday. The operation lasted several hours but failed to capture any apparition.

In folk mythology, particularly in Java and Sumatra, a dead person will transform into a pocong if the bounds of its shroud become untied after the body is buried. This is related to a Muslim tradition that requires the deceased to be wrapped in a cloth when they are buried.

Because pocong are completely bound, they can only move around by jumping or flying.

One would think that in the 21st Century that these beliefs may have been swept away with science and modern ideologies, but, it appears not and, to cap it all off there’s more!

Today, the 9th of December is World Anti-Corruption Day and there are threats of protests, even riots supposed to take place on the streets of Jakarta amid scandals, assassinations and even “hand jobs” all linked in one way or another to corruption.

Among the demonstrators are a group from an Islamic Boarding School who do not believe that the 13,000 police who have been deployed to ensure that there are no troubles will be able to do their job properly.

I don’t know about you but I would have thought that 13,000 of Jakarta’s finest, most probably dickied up with riot gear should be able to contain most anything, but, they are not capable of fighting the biggest threat – BLACK MAGIC.

Accordingly, the head cleric of this particular school has re-inforcements consisting of GENIES!

As reported by KOMPAS news agency!

A thousand djinns have been summoned to escort the demonstrations of the world antigraft day in Jakarta, Wednesday. The head cleric of Islamic Boarding-school Dzikrus Syifa' Brojomusti, in Lamongan, K.M. Muzakkin, claims to have a Moslem devout djinn that offers alternative ways to assist the antigraft day celebration going in Jakarta.

"This morning we have sent a thousand djinns to the demonstration areas in Jakarta, led by Ghulam Akhmad, a djinn from Egypt who once possessed one of my demented subordinate. This effort is merely to participate and support the demonstrants and the government through another dimension to fight corruption in Indonesia."

The deployed djinns are all trained and professionals, in social sciences, politics, law, security, theology, medication and other fields. So if a demonstrant is possessed or if there is black magic impeding the situation then the djinns from Dzikrus Syifa' school is ready to anticipate the situation.

"We don't want this celebration and endeavor to be ruined by other parties that might provoke and cause riots. The 1,000 Islamic djinns are all ready to secure the great demonstration today."

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Way to go! Visions of Ghostbusters, Gremlins and a Thousand Horsemen of the Apocalypse are filling my mind. Despite the fact that I vowed to avoid the town today I think I’ll take a spin down to demonstration central just in case I miss the deployment of the ephemeral armies commanded by Ghulam Akhmad running amuck outside the Presidential Palace.

Indonesia…don’t you just love it!

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Now what was I looking for?

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In breaking news this morning, Indonesia’s new Communication and Information Technology Minister claimed that Indonesia has the largest number of people accessing pornographic Web sites in the world.

“To date, Indonesia has the largest number of people who access porn sites,” said Tifatul, the former head of the Islam-based Prosperous Justice Party.

Was he able to back this up? Did he have the number of Indonesian hit’s on Youporn, Red Tube, Playboy, Meatspin….emm, err, no!

This is probably because the hard (core) fact’s to substantiate this statement will not actually exist anywhere out-with his imagination.

The Jakarta Globe explained that the minister was “an avid Internet user with his own Facebook and Twitter accounts, as well as a blog” and further mentioned that “he was concerned that the Internet was being used by people in the country for little else besides accessing pornographic materials.”

The best bit was “He said this concern had prompted him to launch a campaign aimed at teaching people how to use the Internet as an online source of useful information.”

OK, despite having the crappiest connection speeds, despite the relatively low number of on-line users, (see here… Asian Internet Statistics and that is only for Asia) and even trying to back this statement using Google Trends and some very compelling “XXX” rated search terms – Indonesia rated overall extremely low in the “ porno download status table”

In fact the highest rating that Indonesia achieved was # 4th place in any of the rankings. (Extra points if anyone can answer the search category) Worth noting that Ireland gets some very high scores, along with Pakistan!

He has however raised the image in my head of the many devout people within the country performing searches for offending websites, offensive images and offensive writings just to firmly establish how bad things are in the big bad internet.

I could give them a few tips, but, I suppose half the fun is in the search itself. Happy browsing!

Monday, 2 November 2009

Bit's and Pieces....

Tuning Up....

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Jamu Ladies...the Medical Backpackers (Taste at your peril)

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Traditional Herbal remedies delivered to your door/

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Deep Fried....Roadside Cholestorol, ready to go!

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Crowded Buses...Not in this town!

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Fireworks! Illegal...not in this town!

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Back to the Grind!

I made a journey down to a watering hole in Kemang the other day after twelve days in Thailand. Bangkok, once marked as a city with major traffic woes is nothing compared to the traffic flow (or lack of it ) in Kemang. Despite not liking Bangkok much, it was a pleasant break from Jakarta and my “stress” levels were lowered dramatically, unfortunately only for a short while.

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A brief respite was all it was! Current estimates envisage a complete gridlock within five years with EVERY road, street, thoroughfare and pavement jam packed with vehicles, all day, every day. I’m positive that the pavements carry as many motorcycles as the roads do and the ignorant fuckwits bash the horn, beeping pedestrians out of the way, even those on crutches (as I am at the moment).

Meanwhile, rather than considering ways to alleviate the problem, the city administration chose to pass a law which demanded the disabled wear signs to let motorists know their condition when crossing roads. (Which remind’s me, I now qualify, if only I knew where to get my sticker).

Not a mention of leveling footpaths, no extra bridges, no road widening and improvements, no pushing forward the Mass Rapid Transit system (MRT) no removal of older polluting vehicles, nothing sensible at all….

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The Jakartan obsession with vehicle ownership has ridden roughshod over town planning and it does not appear to be headed for change anytime soon. Urban Reconstruction, Infrastructure Development, Safety…fuck it, low on the list of priorities.

Catching beggars, attempting to prosecute the “Anti Corruptors” (obviously they were getting to good at their jobs) finding ways to slow the disbursement of relief aid and money to disaster area’s, and in my mind the best, closing the cities major recreational area (a central park which houses the Monas Tower) because of kids having a quick shag in the bushes. - these are the real priorities.

Sadly, it seems that congestion is here to stay…..

This of course is not a problem for those with money. Helicopter taxi’s are a growing business and, I found out over a beer in De Hooi a few weeks ago that if you wanted to hire police motor cycle outriders to clear a path for you that this option was only a phone call (and a relatively small amount of money) away. Where there’s a wallet there’s a way!

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Even the economy suffers! Recent studies have demonstrated that if the roads were better planned, if the traffic jams were reduced, if free flowing traffic could be managed, if a limit on the number of vehicles could be enforced (all big if’s I may add) then the Jakartan economy would save approximately US$ 822 million which includes less fuel consumption, less health related problems due to pollution and less downtime at work through lost man hours.

Meanwhile, it’s back to same old, same old and lashings of it. If anyone knows where I can register for my Gimp Certificate to let the motorcyclists be aware that I can only jump out of the way so fast, please drop me a message….

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Sunday, 1 November 2009

Springtime for Hitler in Pattaya

As I arrived in Pattaya last week I discovered that these was a bit of controversy regarding the latest “tourist attraction” .

On Sukumviht Road, a number of billboards had been erected advertising the arrival of “Loius Tussaud’s” new Waxwork museum. Featuring Bruce Lee, Michael Jackson and more memorably, Adolf Hitler, each hoarding was emblazoned with the name of the deceased and “is not dead” Bear in mind that this message was in Thai, not English.

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Fair enough, but, while Bruce and Michael had no problems, old Adolf however had a storm brewing over his upraised arm. The busybodies in the world soon let everyone know exactly what the translation was and “boom” moral outrage soon rained down on the hapless museum management.

The Bangkok Post newspaper quoted German Ambassador Hanns Schumacher as saying he told officials in Pattaya, “this kind of utterly tasteless advertisement would hurt the feelings of many people” and asked that the billboard be taken down.

Israeli Ambassador Itzhak Shoham also was quoted saying he requested the same. “It is totally unacceptable to have such a monster like Adolf Hitler on public display,” he told the Post. “How this could happen is beyond my understanding and comprehension.”

It has to be recognised that the use of Nazi imagery has not got the same emotional impact in South East Asia as it does in Jerusalem and Berlin, in fact, the Thai’s have used swastika’s, images of Hitler and even allowed a Nazi Bar to be opened in Bangkok. (The walls of which were adorned with pictures of storm troopers and waiters dressed in jack boots with Nazi armbands.)

Probably the best was an add campaign for crisps had Hitler giving a Nazi salute and then showed a Thai woman who cast a spell on him as he ate the salted morsels, hoping to change his evil ways. A Nazi swastika morphed into the product logo as the transformation was complete.

That advert did not last long. The Nazi Bar had to change it’s name to “No Name Bar” after the wrath of anti Semitism got involved. And what of the Waxworks… although they apologised it seems that the exposure that Adolf gave them worldwide was worth far more than the original advertising campaign originally envisaged.

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I wonder if the whole thing had been planned that way?