Temples and Kulchur

I have posted some photo's from this place before,it's one of my favourite places near my house...

It's called the Viharnra Sien, built by the Chinese-Thai community, and is located 15km south of Pattaya.



This three storey Chinese style building, next to a lake, is a fascinating repository of arts, artifacts and statues. It is also a temple for worshipping Chinese Gods.



There are statues of Chinese gods, well-known Chinese historical figures and shaolin monks in 18 different martial arts positions. According to the caretaker, each of the shaolin monk statues is sculptured according to a real person and some of the monks are still alive today.





The architecture is pretty inspiring, a rich blend of Chinese and Thai set in the countryside away from the beaches and bustle.



Almost next door is a cliff which has a Golden Buddha etched onto the rock face, the image is 102 metres tall. To be honest, it looks better in real life as this picture can not do it justice.

Sorry....

Been sunning myself in Thailand recently, two weeks doing virtually nothing and worse, back to work with a vengance.

I'll try to get more "stuff" done over the next few days and play catch me up with whats been going on.......

And yes.....they are all men!

Food Quality in Jakarta

Is it just me or is it going downhill?

On Chemical Warfare

The House of Representatives here in Indonesia unanimously endorsed a bill that allows the use of the death sentence to individuals who develop, produce and possess chemical weapons.

The bill as ratified says the use, transfer and acts to facilitate the use of chemical weapons will be punishable by sentences ranging from four years' imprisonment to capital punishment. The bill also bans individuals from involvement in the use of chemical weapons for military purposes.

While the bill bans trafficking of deadly toxic chemicals, it orders the strict control of the use of the least dangerous chemicals for industrial, medical, research, agricultural, pharmaceutical and defense purposes.

This is where I take a step back and question this issue. Where does Sambal stand within this legislation.?



If you are like me, willing to try anything, but “once bitten, twice shy” you may be an individual who considers Sambal to be at the same threat level to my continued existence as Nuclear Toxins and Cyanide.

I have seen what Sambal can do, I have witnessed the depravity that follows in its wake, it is an evil corruptor of youth, creates addicts and ultimately can cause physical pain.

Put plainly, it burns at both ends.



This is no industry which hides in the Bolivian Jungle, the dealers openly market their deadly wares on the cities streets, and the police, as usual they turn a blind eye (in reality they are probably using the stuff themselves.



Everyday, millions of Indonesians consume huge quantities of this poison, not caring a whit about the side effects and consequences. Perhaps this is one of the reasons for the attitudes and general behaviour of the population. As shown above, the side effects of Sambal use can create many strange "dishes"

I for one will avoid this menace, take my advice!

Just Say No!

As an aside while researching this article, Google Image Search produced many images like this.



Given the choice between the differing "Sambals" I know which one I would opt for!

Up the Glitter

So there I was, 5:30am, the three “S’s” already finished and getting ready to leave for work. I put one of the bedroom lights on and searched for the shirt of the day when an accusatory noise came from the bed.

“Where were you last night?”

“Sorry, what are you on about?”

“Your knickers, where were you?”

Stumbling around at that time of the morning I am not a pretty sight, trying to figure out what is wrong with the said “Y” fronts I contorted myself round and round until, finally, the sparkles caught my eye.

Glitter, loads off it, on my skiddies! These were fresh out of the drawer only two minutes before, but, yes, they looked like a disco mirror ball, sparkling gayer than John Travolta.

“Uurgh, I don’t know what happened, no idea at all” I said, removing the offending article of clothing, reaching into the drawer for pair number two…which were also “glittered up to fuck”

No time to argue, another two pairs were removed all in similar condition. Pair number five however were fine. Swiftly sliding into the non sparkling underwear, I got dressed and left the house with the air off “I’ve been up to no good” lying in the room behind me.

Cue 6pm, arriving back home, no crossed arms and tapping fingers, no furrowed eyebrows, perhaps more importantly, no more glittery knickers.

The story unfolds, seems like my daughter had been at a friends house, and as all thirteen year old girls will, spent the evening trying out makeup. A body cream with glitter was among them. This off course migrated onto her T shirt, where it stayed until the housegirl washed it along with, yes, my underwear!

“Not Guilty”

On Being a Lazy Bastard

I am one. But since it was my Birthday today I had all the time in the world to post.

So I did.

Now it's Beer Time..........

Edit. The very nice people at De Hooi gave me a meat pie with a candle and sang "Happy Birthday"

Stranger than that, in my eyes nothing seemed wrong with this gesture.....

A True Story - Corruption or Common Sense!

A friend of mine left the country on a business trip and upon his return to Jakarta, Immigration Officials swooped on him. His crime, his Multi Entry/Exit Visa had expired.

Crazy, you get a residence permit (KITAS)which is valid for one year, but, the Multi Entry/Exit Permits only last for six months. Crazy, but it's revenue to Immigration everytime you have to renew.

So, Captain Fuckwit with the most Mickey Mouse hanging off his uniform offers three choices.

1)
Go back to Singapore and get said permit revalidated.

2)
Stay in Jakarta, but the offending pasport without the valid Multi Exit/Entry Stamps would be sent to Immigration in Jakarta, Rsidence Permit cancelled and then the gentleman concerned would have to start all over again with Residence Permits, visa's, permits etc (And all off his family as well)

3)
The express service, cost US$ 200

Wisely, my friend chose option 3 which was simple.

A)
Hand over US$ 200

B)
Immigration Oficial gets a Date Stamp, moves the date back to before the expiry date of the Multi Exit Visa and stamps said passport with the modified entry date.

My friend, being the cautious type then asked what will happen to the Immigration Computer Records which involves the swiping of the passports barcode.

Immigration answered simply, US$ 50 is for IT support.

Only in Jakarta!

Pub News

Lens, from the marvelous Eastern Promise on Kemang Raya finally met someone who would listen to him...



While another member of staff made his needs very clear (Not surprising as he has more piercings than a Glasgow Junkie)



Edit: For clarity, please see below for what a Glasgow Junkie actually looks like!

Other Breaking news

Certain things happened in Murrayfield last night.....Scotland beat Engerlund 15-9 in the Calcutta Cup!



Which prevented a re-run of this....



Makes today far better (Best Birthday Present this year!)

Keeping up to date with the News

Is important, with the notable exception off when you are driving!



Fuckwit......

A Safety at Work Moment

No comment required.....Fuckwit!

China Visit

I really should have posted stuff since I got back from China and kept this sites momentum going, but, I got caught up in work, preparing to submit bids and getting ready to leave for Thailand (next Saturday).

This visit to China was OK, managed to find a Steakhouse which had Knives and Forks, saw Dahzou in the sunshine and other bits and pieces... but, on arrival in Beijing I soon discovered that China's commitment to air quality during the Olympics may not be as strong as they claim (Mind you, it was minus 3 degrees C that morning)



As I mentioned, Dahzou actually looked OK with the sunshine...



One of the meetings took place in another hotel from the one I was staying in, the windows of the conference room looked onto a families "Pantry". In this area there were various foodstufs (Chicken, Sausages and other undefined "things" ) were hung out apparently to keep fresh... Now ask yourself, would I eat here?



The usual fuckwittery reigned supreme, the scariest being the Motorway...




Never mind, dont need to go back for at least another six weeks.....

A New Scam

This is a Hardship Posting Citizens Announcement....



Police have warned motorists to be cautious while driving on the city's streets following evidence that a new way to rip you off has popped up.

Jakarta Police spokesman Sr. Comr. Kapitan General Fuckwit announced that the bad guys have started scattering nails on streets around Jakarta to puncture car tires.

When the unsuspecting dupe has vacated the car looking for a puncture repair shop, the evil thugs have stolen their belongings from their cars before doing an “exit stage left” on motorcycles.

It also appears that it is not an isolated incident. Similar robberies have been reported in Jakarta.

When I say reported, it was in fact a reporter (Koran Temp Newspaper’s chief editor Malela Mahargasarie) who fell victim to a roadside robbery.

Malela was robbed near the Lebak Bulus overpass on Jl. TB Simatupang in South Jakarta at around 10 a.m. (This is not a small back road, it is one of the cities major arteries and to the best of my recollection is never quiet)

It seems our hapless victim was on his way to his office, when a motorcyclist told him he had a flat tire. He then parked his car in front of a row of shop houses and saw that a nail had punctured one of his tires. The good Samaritan on the motorbike stopped and his passenger told Malela there was a tire repair stall nearby. Malela locked his car and walked to the stall.

Then a third fuckwit appears, stoves the window in with a brick stole the dupes wallet, which contained approximately Rp 2.5 million (US$280), his cellular phone and office documents.

After stealing Malela's belongings, the man fled the scene on a motorcycle.
Malela then reported the robbery to the Kebayoran Lama police.

Here’s the best bit.

The cops said they had an idea about who the villains were but had not caught them, in addition they offered sage advice to Malela to pass on through his newspaper.

Victims should send text messages to the police hotline on 1717 for assistance but could not guarantee police would be immediately able to respond due to limited personnel. Just to clarify things it was also suggested that people did not call the police hotline on 122.

Quote”You might not be able to get through on that number because many people call it. Sending an SMS message is more effective."

The police spokesman added as follows:

Motorists should take the following precautions to avoid falling victim to street robberies:

1. If you have a flat tire, do not panic. Stay calm and alert, especially in front of the person who informs you about your flat tire. (Read the guy who tells you the tyre is fucked is a thief)

2. Do not stop immediately. Try to stop at the nearest police station or security guard post. (Read there is no chance the cops will get to you so fuck your wheel rims up while you go to them)

3. Crowded or public places are not 100 percent secure. Find a place where you can seek assistance. (Read – another country)

4. Send a text message to 1717 for police assistance. (Read we are all lazy bastards who spend all day on telephone sex lines and cannot be arsed policing the streets)

5. Avoid driving alone. It is safer to drive with one or more friend. (Read arm your passenger with a shotgun, place them on the roofrack and make like stagecoach)

Things that are not quite right (Indonesian Style)

I wonder if there will be a court injunction over this one... (Cheers Cam for the source picture)




While this one just sends out all the wrong messages...(From Simon at Metromad)




Meanwhile in the legendary Jalaan Jaksa, this quaint little business operates



And proof that the Internet Weather Report on Jakarta can sometimes get it wrong here...



And Jakartans once again present a unified front in this demonstration for, err, well they are not quite sure! (Again from Simon at Metromad)

Red-light district 'needed in Denpasar'

(Too subtle ? - Three Hoes)

With the number of HIV/AIDS fatalities increasing in Denpasar, Bali, some citizens have urged the Bali administration to create a legalized prostitution area so prostitutes could be easily monitored.

By the weekend, three more people had died of HIV/AIDS in Denpasar, one of them a local government official.

"I think the Bali administration should establish a district for prostitutes even though prostitution is in conflict with the norms and religions here, as this is the only way to control the spreading of HIV/AIDS," Denpasar resident Sukarno Fuckwit said as quoted by beritabali.com on Sunday.

He hoped people would stop being hypocrites, he said.

"Prostitution has existed here a long time, and it's almost impossible to eliminate such a practice. The only way is to control it," he said. Made Fuckwit, a resident of Kawan Bangli, shared a similar view, saying weighing the “pros and cons” on the establishment of a red-light district should be ended soon.

(Pro’s and Cons, odd choice of words but perhaps prophetic if the proposal goes ahead)

"The most important thing is to control and reduce the spread of AIDS, soon" he said.

Funny old world, everywhere else in Indonesia they want to stamp it out but in Bali, things are never as they seem.